The Flu Blues

I am flu-ed and feel rather phlegm-atic today! Aachoo! I also realised I come up with some really awful jokes (and great work ideas) when I feel this way…

Can someone please tell me where the swine flew to? It is annoying to hear the whole world speak in incomplete sentences.

Ill Bill: A new movie starring Uma Thurman and a flying pig, and how she gets an H1N1 visa to heaven.

Would an epidemic be a pandemic of epic proportions? Or is a pandemic a situation where the entire nation feels as hot as a frying pan?

Pimples and acne affect almost everyone. It is high time the WHO considered it an epidermic.

If you are fluent in Tamil – can you be called a Tamilflu?

What should you use to cure the swine flu? Oinkment (Thanks for this one Aunty!)

It’s a pity they cannot use Tamiflu to combat the Tamil Flu which is affecting Sri Lanka

The swine flu and global economic recession have caused a recession of another kind – hairlines!

Off to bed now! Clearly, the fever is affecting my funny bone. Hmm, that explains why a flu-induced body ache hurts the bones!

Wormicelli

If the title did not do enough to conjure an utterly gross image in your head, listen to this story:

A neighbour of mine – a fairly healthy man with no medical problems, was happily minding his own business when he suddenly had convulsive fits. He was rushed to the hospital and no one had any clue as to what was going on. After conducting MRI’s and CT scans and what nots – they found out the source for his troubles – a tapeworm lodged in his brain.

This man is a vegetarian, (so much for pork being the only source of tapeworm.) I’m so scared now – I had really nasty cramps last week. And now this! What if he was hiking or driving? What kind of veggies are they selling in my area? Are they really growing it in sewage water? I’m so terribly freaked out by these wormy tales I feel disgusted at the sight of vegetables now – n that’s super sad cos I’m a skinny vegetarian

So much for signing a ‘worm peace’ pact with the critters. I don’t believe we can ever be friends. I truly feel like I’m living out an episode from the X-Files. I have got myself dewormed but I’m still maha freaked out. So if u don’t find me blogging or posting lousy comments on your blogs, you may safely assume I am having convulsive fits…

In other not-so-depressing news, I find myself afflicted by another worm – a earworm. Every time I need to speak to a team in Philippines – I have that song ‘Bebot’ playing in me head. It’s terribly distracting sige, and horribly annoying – sige.

What next? Ringworm?

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