The Flu Blues

I am flu-ed and feel rather phlegm-atic today! Aachoo! I also realised I come up with some really awful jokes (and great work ideas) when I feel this way…

Can someone please tell me where the swine flew to? It is annoying to hear the whole world speak in incomplete sentences.

Ill Bill: A new movie starring Uma Thurman and a flying pig, and how she gets an H1N1 visa to heaven.

Would an epidemic be a pandemic of epic proportions? Or is a pandemic a situation where the entire nation feels as hot as a frying pan?

Pimples and acne affect almost everyone. It is high time the WHO considered it an epidermic.

If you are fluent in Tamil – can you be called a Tamilflu?

What should you use to cure the swine flu? Oinkment (Thanks for this one Aunty!)

It’s a pity they cannot use Tamiflu to combat the Tamil Flu which is affecting Sri Lanka

The swine flu and global economic recession have caused a recession of another kind – hairlines!

Off to bed now! Clearly, the fever is affecting my funny bone. Hmm, that explains why a flu-induced body ache hurts the bones!

Neologisms

Neo Year – Neo Logos
As a happy new year gift to all me readers, I have decided to make a list of all the crazy words invented by me friends and me. Please feel free to use them and popularise them.

1. TRAUMA: A word that can be used as an adjective, noun or adverb. It is typically best used when you are stressed-out, but it can also be used whenever you want to say something, but really don’t know what word to use.
   Usage:
   “Cellu was one trauma client.”
   “Why are you wearing such a trauma dress?”
   “Full fun trauma happened!!”
2. Highlarious: Anything that is highly hilarious.
   Usage: “His high-jump was highlarious!”
3. Howlarious: So hilarious, it’s a howl.
   Usage: “Did you see that trauma guy’s acting? It was howlarious!”
4. Wowsome: Wow + awesome
   Usage: “This is not just awesome, it’s wowsome!!”
   
5. Groovioli: Groovy like ravioli
   Usage: “A dance club that serves free food? Groovioli!!”
6. Complisult: A compliment that is really an insult, or an insult that is really a compliment
   Usage: “He called me a wannabe geek. Now I’m not sure if he was being nice or mean. I suppose he meant it as a complisult”
   
7. Bebilicious: A term used to describe a cutie named Bebu
   Usage: “Bebs, you’re totaly bebilicious ”
8. Bhae: singular for bhains (buffalo).
   Usage: “That trauma guy is so bhae”
9. Dufus* Moronicus: a duffer and a moron
   Usage: “Homer Simpson, you’re not just a dufus, you’re a dufus moronicus.”
10. Wape: The offspring of a highly evolved woman and an ape
    Usage: click here
11. Ughtastic: So ugh its fantastic
    Usage: “Did you see that grey cockroach that scuttled by? Ughtastic!”
12. David Wowie: When you have been Ziggy Stardusted!
    Usage: “She has been obsessing over shiny spandex clothes and glam rock. Methinks she is in a David Wowie state of mind.”
13. Geekariffic: So geeky it’s terrific
    Usage: “You have gotta try wearing sports shoes with formal pants!! It’s totally geekariffic!”
14. Fritching – bitching in front of someone
    Usage: “Who said I was bitching about you? I’m telling you honey all that lead in your lipstick is going to your brains!”
15. Wouch: A wow that makes you go ouch
    Usage: “Sigh! that wowsome girl makes my heart go wouch.”
16. Ayyo Rama: What a stressed-out popsie says.
    Ayyo Karma : What the stressed out cab driver says.
    Ayyo Trauma: What I say in addition to the two above.
    Ayyo Rama! Ayyo Karma! Ayyo trauma: What you hear when the cab carrying popsie, tq and the cab driver is almost hit by a bus.
    Ayyo Seeta : What vedu unkal says in response to what popsie says.
    Ayyo Shut Up: What everyone else says when popsie, tq, the cab driver and vedu unkal are around.
17. Funderla: having fun at Wonderla, or the equivalent of it
    Usage: “Come on da! Full funderla only it will be”
18. Gangrene groupie – a person who likes to be a part of a gang or a group and loses his own identity thereof.
    Usage: “Oh so now all of them wear black because it is the ‘group’ colour eh? What a bunch of gangrene groupies!”
19. Stretchercise – Stretching exercises than may end you up in a stretcher.
    Usage: “Our yoga master keeps telling us to stretch. I’m scared this will end up becoming another form of stretchercise”
20. Qwae: a general feeling of weirdness, or the sound your tummy makes when it is upset
    Usage:
    “I am feeling very qwae qwae”
    “That bhae’s stomach keeps going qwae”
21. Hexercise** : exercise that involves inhalation and HEXalation
    Example: “The Yoga master said: Inhaaaale….exhaaale…take a deeep breath…inhaaaale..now hex..hex..hex..hex”
22. Morantic*** : Romance that makes you a moron
    Usage: “That silly girl thinks her trauma bf is a superman – how morantic indeed”
23. Greep****: a geeky creep
    Usage: click here
24. Bhitamins: What a bheri bhad bhaiya tells you to take bhen you hab a cold.
    Prounced as: Bhai-tam-ins
    

And if new words like these interest you – do check out the Urban Dictionary. You can even contribute neologisms created by you

* coined by Bart Simpson
** coined by Ashu Byabee
*** coined by Gudrun, meaning provided by me
**** coined by Udeesha

First and Tracked

Crazy Chechi – this one’s for you!!

1. Do mallus eat red rice cos they are communists?
Mallu Colleague replies: and I suppose the congress party eats white rice?

2. Why can’t a bad doctor be called a quacktor? To call a fake doctor a quack is offensive to a duck. Do you think quacktors take the hypocritic oath?

3. I like to look at my reflection in people’es eyes. Eyes are after all, eye-nas.

4. With reference to the weather:
Whenever these Madrasis are depressed, us Bloreans are depressed too.
(This is not a PJ, it’s a sad joke – because it is about depression)

5. Is ‘Race’ a racy movie or a racist movie?
Udee: racy n saucy
Wiseman: I think it’s about race. And by that line of thought, his next movie should be called ‘Gender’

6. If hippies did the hop, can it be called the hip-hop?

7. I plan to make a movie on a lonely girl who is obsessed with football. The movie shall be called – Eleanor Rugby

8. If you are thrown out of a club, are you dismembered? And if they take you back in again – are you remembered?

9. Which supermodel is always in a soup?
Naomi ‘Campbell’

Hit List

is a list of all the people I am hitting on. Currently there are about 5 or 6 people.

Kindly post comments to this blogpost – I am trying to get the ‘hit’ rate up

Lively and Unpredictable

I’m a stage actor (of sorts)
perhaps that explains why I’m so ‘skit’tish