Greeps*,creeps, eeks and yeeks
Available in all shapes and sizes in all parts of the world
Mostly encountered if you are young, attraaaa(n)aactive and most importantly – female!
Though most creeps and eeks are male, there are, as always, exceptions to the rule…
The following is a classic case of a greep.
These are ACTUAL mails I received from a real time loser at the workplace.
No part of the document has been tweaked or spiced up – it has been presented to you “as-is”
*greep – (noun), a geeky creep, Copyright Udeesha Srivastava, a colleague of TVNMCB)
sub: *My name* Important
I don’t know how to start. Just a request, please don’t get annoyed or irritated after reading the mail. I liked the way you carry yourself in small interaction we had and would like to be friends with you. It is one the rare occasions when I had an opportunity to see such a cool and composed personality. I am not the kind of person who would pester someone.
Kindly give a serious thought to an earnest request of accepting my friendship. In any case please convey your decision by a reply to this mail. I will be highly thankful. One more request, please don’t create an issue out of this.
My reply (biiig mistake):
I am sorry I am unable to place you.
Where have we met / spoken?
Aah! I agree that was fault on my part. I should have started with a formal introduction, but I dunno why but I was little scared :).
Okie, going forward, I did my engineering and did my MBA in Finance from reputed colleges. . Presently I’m working as a Business Analyst in Bangalore itself. Okie, to make it clear, I just intend to talk to u and be a friend. About you, I just know that you did your grad in English. I am preparing for GMAT and felt that you would be ideal person to help in my pursuit.
Hey! I’m too lazy to type more :). Can u please pass me ur yahoo messenger ID. Let’s meet there and discuss more.
Hey no second thoughts! I don’t think there’s any harm in being a friend. Looking forward for an equally cute reply (not a one liner :)).
Accha, so catch ya soon.
Cheers and lots of fun when we meet on Ymsgr
Sub: questionnaire [important]
Sincerely speaking I was expecting a reply from your side. I would earnestly request you to select one/many of the options mentioned underneath [with explanation, if possible] as the possible reason for not replying:
a)You felt that the counterparty is a stalker. [This is trivial, Watson]
b)You already have a lot of friends. [There is no harm in having one more.]
c)You felt that counterparty is not worth because he/she didn’t came in person. [I didn’t wanted unwelcome risk with huge possible downside]
d)You are too busy. [You can judge better]
e)Any other ______________________[pls. specify]
My comments: I would have been flattered if I would have got those mails and surely rewarded counterparty with a cup of coffee at a mutually agreed place. [At least after this mail].
Request: Pls. don’t get irritated or annoyed as my intentions are not to bother you.
Pls. reply to this, I will be highly thankful.
sub: final mail frm my side; pls read
I must have acquired villainous status in your mind by now, which I never intended. I had honest intentions which perhaps were misunderstood or misinterpreted; I will leave that for you to decide.
If you still choose not to reply, this is the final mail from my side, as I sincerely feel that everything should have a logical ending. I will be contend looking at you without ever letting you know or disturbing you. In any case, all the very best for all your future endeavors.
“Is he suicidal?” quoth Udeesha.
The stupidity turned to harassment when this greep was persistent in his greepiness, and thought that contacting a friend (third counterparty if you may!) was a sure way to get to me. Neither of us had any clue as to who this psycho was. When I tried to get him to meet me, he kept dodging me by saying “I do not want to lose my job over something so trivial”
I had to finally lodge an official complaint for all this to end.
We hear about harassment in the workplace, but it’s another thing when you have to encounter it, and encounter it every single day of your life. And it is a terrible state of affairs when the harasser knows what s/he’s doing, but brushes it away as “trivial”
I still do not know what exactly the greep wanted, and I know for a fact I only wasted my time by trying to figure it out.
My only question is: Why?
My earworm for the month during this ordeal was “Eleanor Rigby” by the Beatles
“All the lonely people, where do they all come from
All the lonely people, where do they all belong”
Some questions can never be answered, can they?