When the mammaries come flooding back

It is the popular opinion that all lit people are a bunch of freaks, and I could not agree more.

“The mammaries will come flooding back” is what a student said to S.M. when he asked her how she would feel if she opened a book of poetry and found some dried flowers given to her by an old flame.
Of course, she had no clue why the back-benchers burst into a guffaw and why SM’s face turned beet red.
SM has never asked this question again. He usually asks tangential questions and makes vague comparisons to arrive at some sort of a point, but he has never asked this question again.

Us lit students get bombarded with all kinds of ‘isms’ throughout our course – feminism, modernism, impressionism, post coloniolism yadda yadda yadda. But none of them can ever beat the quirky isms that are our teachers and classmates!

This post, is specially dedicated to areogapitica

CHANDRAN-ISMS:
(The effect is felt only if you can recall his facial expressions every time he said the following)

Adwitiya: Othello is a tragic hero because he was black.
Chandran: I am black. Do I look like a tragic hero to you?

“Adam is so daft”
(yup! Chandan knew it all)

“This book is like God! It has no beginning and no end”
(His was referring to Parvathy’s book that was in tatters)

“An autobiography is something you should not even ATTEMPT …it’s sheer ARROGANCE if you start writing about your lives.”

“If you don’t have you I-card, you can’t pay your fees, you can’t go to the library, you can’t get your idlis”
(and the way his eyes rolled when he spoke about the idlis!)

“The committee that wrote the Mahabharat must have been some BJP community. Valmeeki also may have been an acronym of some sort, with each alphabet belonging to a community member”

“Melville’s Bartleby is a pucca existentialist”
(No questioning that!)

“Translation is an exercise in humility. You realize you don’t know English, you also realize you do not know your own language.”

Chandran: Britney spears is a believer in kabbala
Nischala: Madonna sir
Chandran: Maybe

“Kafka’s In the Penal Colony is like ‘In the University’, is it not? …hostel life is a continuation of the medieval practices of regimentation. I mean you’re not allowed to use the bathroom for more than 10 minutes.”

“You buy something for 10 Rs., sell it for 8, its a loss, and draw graphs for a loss that is so obvious – Economics!!!”

NAYAR-ISMS:
“Anecdotage – the age when you recount dates from your youth”

“Departmental affairs must be the centre of graffiti”

“What’s the use of having her in a literature class when she takes everything so literally?”
(Nayar to Padmaja)

“Read William Jones’ The Collected Letters –actually I should not recommend that..I mean you’re not supposed to read other people’s letters”

“Santa’s little helpers were also known as subordinate clauses”

“If you don’t read Asterix, you won’t understand any literature”

MARATHE-ISMS: (to be read in a very heavy brit accent)

SM: Why do you think he wrote this line?
Me: Poetic license?
SM: Veeeeeeeeeeeeerrry naughty miss cee(n)ee bee(n)eee
(I still have no clue why he said that! But I do believe this was the origin of TVNMCB!)

“You set out to place large plates in the anticipation of a big chappati, only to get…you know..a chappati the size of a PoMo’s woman’s bindi
(I still don’t know what the context was!)

Me (with massive trepidation): Sir, may I please close the curtains.. I mean shut the…I mean draw the curtains
SM: What did you say???
Me: May I please draw the curtains
SM: No before that
Me: I said “May I please draw the curtains”
S. M. : Nooooo(n)ooo..BEFORE that!
Me: err may I please close the curtains?? (sheepish smile)
SM: When I was in Canada…
Class: (groan!)
SM: Oh you’ve heard this one before? When I was in Poona….

MUJEEB – ISMS:
“Hello class. Wassup!”

“Kim is like a James Bond”
(Kipling’s Kim)

“His sansaariya has to be pavitra-fied or whatever”
(Mujeeb on R.K Narayan)

“The map of India looks like Dev Anand – with a puff of hair and a tilted head”
(hmm…you say?)

“Big deal!!!”

MOHANTY-ISMS

Too bored to recall anything apart from his obsession with the posters in the hall!

HOSHI-ISMS (our very own gay teacher 🙂 )

“Mohanty may be gay…but I have taste!”

“Main solah baras ki ho gayi..main kya karoo”
(Hoshi broke into this song and dance all of a sudden! Reason: unknown)

“Get your hands OFF him THIS INSTANT!!! HE’S MINE!!!!”
(Hoshi screamed this across the road when he saw me going doubles on the cycle with Along!)

Hoshi sees a couple in Gops and goes
“Hey sexy!”
Girl turns around and gives him a glare
“Not you silly… I was talking to him!”

SHRIDHAR-ISMS: (yes they exist!)

“If we suspend our judgement, Sidney’s argument makes sense”

“By itself, there is nothing ‘chairy’ about this or ‘tabley’ about that”
(Shridhar on Saussere)

“Oh thaatha…my thaatha!”

OTHER POPULAR ONE-LINERS I CAN NEVER FORGET!

“What IS it with those DISTURBING, PINK RIBBONS??”
(David McLean on Young Goodman Browne)

“Hmm..I’m not so sure about Saussere!”
(Ramanan trying to be punny)

“Good-run!”
(Mujeeb’s comments on Gudrun’s term paper)

A.K.R in every Indian English class: “What is this Indianness in this?”

Viplav’s unforgettable speech on Joseph’s Son
“Women give and give and give…..and men only take and take and take… you may understand this when you all become mommies”
(yeah right viplav..and we will contact you when that happens!!!)

“You might as well say that she (Mary Lamb) anticipates the Soviet Union when she wants to recognize needlework as paid labour!” (Smita on Lamb’s essay – On Needlework)

Me on Keats, to a much stupefied Mohanty:
“Forlorn! the very word is like a bell/ To toll me back from thee to my sole self!”
Its almost as if Keats can hear a huge bell go ding-dong…kinda rhymes with ‘forlorn’..maybe the ‘forlorn’ was meant to sound like a bell…FOR-LORN…DING-DONG…”
(What on earth made me say that???!!!)

Anna to Along: You’re name is Along?
Along: Yes ma’am
Anna: You mean like ‘Come along’, Along?
Along : yes ma’am
Anna: And where are you from?
Along: Shillong
Anna: Along from Shillong?
Along: yes ma’am
Raj: Along came a long long way from Shillong!
….Later that day, Oneil: How long is Along?

Chandran and Marathe entered the classroom to invigilate the American lit exam, only to see the following Bartleby inspired message written for them:
“We would prefer not to.”
To which SM scribbled
“So would we”

😀

I sometimes wish I could turn back time and go through my PG course all over again. I mean it was soooooooooooo much fun!

But since that’s not possible, I guess I’ll just have to be content with the ‘mammaries’.

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14 Responses to “When the mammaries come flooding back”

  1. Shriti Says:

    That was great yaar!!!I loved it.What great amazing things.. Fully trauma only…love youwhen do we meet next, Plz..

  2. Anonymous Says:

    hahahahahahahahhaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahhaahhahaahhaahahahahhahahaha

  3. ashu Says:

    Wat bout chittuisms..hi only…bye only..fully…full and all..come off..sit off..take off..namnam..lalapo..mannemanne mo..yabbaaaaaaa………the list can go on & on & on..

  4. zzz Says:

    Hey!:)Your blog was the CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTEST!Thank youSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR WRITING IT!::):):) Fully I typed myname of as ‘zzzzz’ but I might have guffed up when I clicked theoptions!:( It’s the okays.

  5. zzz Says:

    ahahhahahaahahahahahahahahah- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT….THANK YOU SOOO MCUH- I didn’t know you had Sridharisms too!:):):)

    I LOVE THE ‘MAMMARIES’ PIECE!!!!!!!!! As Bugs Bunny would say,” LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!”::):):):):)):):):):

  6. Trauma Queen Says:

    ashu – “sit off” , “come off” is more an ashu-ism than a chittu-ism…but u forgot to add “hiii” and “ok bye” and “ok im bored”and how could u forget the penultimate chittu-ism – TRAUMA!!!!but of course…that is also the penultimate gafitica-ism(areogapitica is my class group’s id – its a long story,,,,may be i should add it here..)sisas – yes…i did manage to cough up sridhar-isms….how could i forget one of my favorite titchers,(pun intended)sadly tho, there were hardly any uma-isms and rani-isms i could think of…barring of course “im a woman” and “Im not a nizerian woman”hehehehhehehe:)))))))))))were u fully there in the SME class when the mammaries incident took place?????I’m sure ive missed out a lot more fun stuff….like the day marathe started singing “corena corena”hehehehe…gosh they were not teachers, they were performers!!!

  7. Anonymous Says:

    This is very sweet of you to compile all the ‘isms’! Only u missed one….the one that is our very own areogapitica’s…..’Trauma-ism’!
    Its a great blog!:-)…Laughed my way through it!!.M.:

  8. apratim Says:

    terrific stuff – esp KNC and PKN –
    Congrats and keep it up <

    u did miss out a little on a few things – esp on KNC and PKN – I will end them soon got 2 rush party hain abhi

  9. anjali Says:

    hilarious, girl!! it reminds me of another similar incident. Some time back, Nikhil attended a conference in Chandigarh. On day 2 of the conference, the speaker actually decided to “tickle your mammary” by summarizing the previous day’s discussion. No one else in the entire room got it…rotflmao!

  10. Trauma Queen Says:

    hey!as for trauma-ism…this blog is essentially about trauma-ism is it not?on demand trauma has very seriously decided to post a part 2 to this post – and you guys better help me compile that!the nice things about flooding mammaries is that it is contagious…everyoe reminisces the good ol college days 🙂

  11. goofsta Says:

    one helluva a long post….mammaries …oh those mammaries…i’ve got another one of those one liners…“one must do things outta boredom…otherwise everything else becomes boring”yeh my friends are still trying to kill me for this!!!

  12. Trauma Queen Says:

    goofa mc goof: well if you cannot relate to something, it is only natural to find it boring 🙂

  13. Parvathy Rajendran (2011-2013 Batch) Says:

    OH Man!! Thats so DoE,UoH… 😛

  14. Aravind Mohan (2013-2015 batch, DoE, UOH) Says:

    Chandranism…!!! I am confused whether to take them down in class or take notes instead..!! 🙂


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