I used to like to believe that men were very dumb. Statistics at the end of every school examination always proved so.
A little later I started believing that men were a different species altogether – feminist teachers and too much literature tend to do that to you.
As of today, I’m convinced that men are dumb, men are different, and men will NEVER change. NEVER. They will always be stupid, they will always be different, and they will always use the dumbest pick-up lines to do what they love doing – chasing girls.

I thought it would be fun to make a list of some of the corniest lines I have ever heard. Here goes:

“I didn’t believe in love at first sight…till I saw you”
(dude…your’e not wearing ur glasses…ur more outta sight than u know!)

Guy at Daaali wedding..and this can only happen in delhi!
“I think I’ve seen you somewhere…..in my dreams”

Guy at the workplace, his manager used to sit next to me:
“I can’t seem to find my manager, but if you do see him (scribbles something on a piece of paper and hands it to me), do give me a call, here’s my number. My name is Mukul.”
(I left his little chit of paper at his manager’s desk)

My friend ‘Anj’ told me about her experience:
“Could you please walk by me one more time…cos I don’t believe in love at first sight.”

The following guy had left me baffled for a very long time:
“I’m really sorry for what I did. I did not mean to hurt you or upset you. I hope you’re o.k.”
(I had nooooo clue who this guy was and what he was talking about…only months later I came to know that it was all an attention seeking gimmick.)

I had heard about the following guy on our campus, and even had the opportunity to witness him in action, twice:
Scenario one:
“Excuse me, are you from Delhi?”
“err no”
“Oh ok..you looked very familiar..by the way my name is…”

Scenario two:
“Excuse me, are you from Delhi?”
“Yes, how did you know?”
“Your face is so familiar..I’m from Delhi…by the way my name is….”

(Eventually the word spread that this guy was not from Delhi but from some “near by Delhi” place)

Younger men are also getting gutsy:
“The other day when u were conducting dumb charades u were looking soooo soooo sooo sooo beautiful….I could neither participate but keep staring at u as I volunteered to be the scorer..aha nice ploy by me right?? I wrote a poem too [well sometimes i do so] I will read it to u when i meet or meat u next time.”
(‘meat’ you next time???????? I have decided never to organize dumb charades ever again….)

The following happened today, and I so cannot get over it. I moved to a new office and was setting up my system, when all of a sudden this guy pops outta nowhere, holding glossy paper fliers in his hand, smiling his jaws out and he says:
“Hi! I’m Nikhil. Can you please show me how to take a printout of this?”
(Printout?? What was he thinking?????? At least if he said ‘photocopy’ his lame excuse would have been more plausible!)

Why must men resort to ‘lines’ just to get to know someone? It amazes me that a simple ‘hi’ does not seem to be good enough for them. I mean, replace all those corny pick-up lines with a simple ‘hi’ or a shy smile, and you have the same men transformed from jokers to normal guys. Instead they choose to make asses of themselves with their dumb pick up lines (often accompanied by a pasty grin to make matters worse).

There was a time when I would ask myself, “What were they thinking????”

And then like a bolt of lightening, the answer struck me —-
Men do not think 🙂

40 Responses to “PICK UP LINES”

  1. goofsta Says:

    I have a hard enough time coming out with just a hi…

  2. Trauma Queen Says:

    goof: about not being able to say hi….i think its a lot better than any of the other crap i wrote about..dont u think? or do you think the intention is to say ‘hi’, but fear clouds all else and trauma filmi type dialogues come out instead???in which case incomprehensible sounds would make more sense than well planned ‘pick up’ lines..what do you think?

  3. Orion Says:

    For me a confident “Hi!” and introduction with casual disappearnce (and re-appearnce) is the order.. Works like magic

  4. succubus Says:

    if men went around just asying hi .. women would probablly end up accusing them of not asying witty enough things when they introduce them selves… its one of the damned if they do and damned if they dont situations… + i think that pick up lines are much a thing of the past!! PS: HBM is an open house… no ‘invites’ typs nakharas…please pass the word to other bloggers you kow who might be in hyd on the 29th?

  5. Trauma Queen Says:

    witty???u thought those lines were witty????i also thought pick-up lines were extinct – till i met them jokers!k dunno any hyd bloggers btw….

  6. RO Says:

    Forgive them for they know not what they do!

  7. anjali Says:

    i agree that a simple “hi” will probably work more magic than any of the corny stuff…in fact tht’s how i met my whoseband 😉

  8. Trauma Queen Says:

    fully cute only anj 🙂so what was his ‘hi’ like? a normal one? or was it accompanied by a dashing smile?…or was it part of a disappearing-reappearing act….as long as he did not speak about printouts it was nice i guess..hehehehro: will forgive them…and hav forgotten them…but hard to forget their bloopers..heheheorion: will ask them jokers to flock to you for gyaan 🙂

  9. Anonymous Says:

    get a life ppl!

  10. Trauma Queen Says:

    anonymous:u hide like a coward under the cover of anonymity and ask others to get a life.when in a glass house, dont throw stones 😛

  11. RO Says:

    To add more, In the end its all with the women/ girl. If we wants to! she will let you, if she doesn’t even ‘<>Men on mars and women from venus<>‘ won’t help you!

  12. Anonymous Says:

    TVMCB…….read up on something called falsifiability by popper, karl. Just coz u saw 100 crows dat r black, it aint mean the 101st is gonna be black too….get it!So, just coz u havent met/come across a smart guy with a pick up line doesnt mean there isnt 1!!So, u better come out of the glass house ur stuck in. come 2 think of it, u may be sore actually abt not havin been picked up by a scorcher…yet!!! (time for introspection, aint it) Stop generalising, will u. Its an insult to the collective intellignece of ppl who read ur stuff in the 1st place.

  13. Arul Prasad Says:

    Me – a passer-by.I guess – its not just ‘men’ – All males (irrespective of the species) in this world are ‘designed’ to chase their female counter parts.. Except that the females of other species dont complain :-p I agree – sometimes we (men) overdo things – But hey, dont u females (to some extent) enjoy being chased?

  14. Anonymous Says:

    Dear Anonymous, Its an insult that you get insulted so badly and then react to it as well. You are a gem i must say. About collective intellgience i am sure you dont have any intellect in the first place. And about Karl wow… you have the might to quote Karl. Intellectuals dont really bother to proove it. And its a mark of an educated mind to entertain an idea without accepting it. <>(Learn something – its free)<> Be free my friend… be proactive if you can.

  15. phreakv6 Says:

    how is it that every post is flamed no end ?for a blog like yours.. its better to block anonymous cowards.better yet,.. block all commentsbetter yet,.. jus allow ppl frm venusor else.. do what u r gud at..🙂 enjoy deleting comments.stop flaming.. —real_men_dont_use_pickup_lines_or_spacebars

  16. Anonymous Says:

    Its ironic that the gibberish anonymous(8:40)punched in sounded as insulted as mine supposedly was! pathetic! now that there r 2 anonymous blog-squatters, i can only feel sorry for poor tvnmcbxyz. Hope anonymous comments are not deleted coz as long as they r ‘provocative’ & ‘proactive'(as my blog-mentor (sic) wants me to be)and not offensive, it’ll sell. Besides, the Net is all about ideas, not IDs.

  17. sou Says:

    @ the anonymous (2:21 PM & 10:46 AM) “the Net is all about ideas, not IDs.” Brilliant… I totally agree with you on that! “as long as they r ‘provocative’…and not offensive, it’ll sell” totally agree again…but tell me this, who’ll judge if something is offensive or not huh? Just coz u have freedom of speech doesn’t mean u should abuse it pal. I don’t entirely disagree with you that things should not be generalized but quoting Karl for that !!.. and to prove what!? that you find the post not to ur taste! Puhlease! If you get ur kicks out of writing comments that are quite offensive and u don’t have the b*lls to log in with your name then you don’t deserve any more attention than you’ve gotten so far! Off with you! Shoo…

  18. sou Says:

    @ tvnmcb – hehee.. remember this one? “hello flower.. coming doubles?” 😉

  19. Trauma Queen Says:

    all you anon losersi will write just what i want..this is my space and i dont give a shit to what you think… if u have problems with wat i write..who is asking you to read my blog anyway? only my frends are aware that total trauma is mostly about blowing things out of proportion – so take a chill pill u anon loser!i am not gonna waste my time justifying what i write to ppl who have issues with their identity – and who asks you to keep revisting my blog anyway??? go study for your postmodernism exam instead!saleem sinai will be upset if you dont… 😛 (loser!)phreak: i have no clue where these people come from ..honestly!!! and i aint gonna change the settings just to keep these idiots away..anon cowards are like fruit flies..u keep shooing them away..they jus keep coming back..no point putting fancy net basket thingies on the fruits..flies r flies 😛and for you so called ‘collective intelligence’ (ya rite!) – my post was not about men chasing women – as much as it was about trauma pick lines!!!! geez!

  20. Anonymous Says:

    Remember this one?BoB Marley ReDux for u….(Sou & TVXYZ)guys…. “Stir it up; little darlin’, stir it up. come on, baby.” before you accuse me of being a perv, I brought up the song to drive home the point that there’s no fun if things dont get ‘stirred up'(& blown out of proportion) and stay that way.

  21. Anonymous Says:

    AND, it doesn’t matter if one stays ID’d or anonymous….cause even if you have identified yourself, its your doppelgänger typin away that stuff as ‘lived reality’ morphes into ‘virtual reality’.stop deluding yourself that its actually you ‘out here’. You dont surf the Net, the Net surfs your mind….(a spin off from “you dont play he game, the game plays you”). In the process, guys lose their b**lls (ur quite true here sou) and get chronic hammeroids (may happen to women too) & women compromise on their temper, wits or whatever.

  22. ro Says:

    I wonder what ‘Bob’ or ‘Babu Marley’ told you. You sure loosing it dude. You dont have Context you just have KEYWORDS, thats what happens to people who are confused. Do stick around, its nice for people to be interested about some’things’.

  23. Anonymous Says:

    another benevolent soul diag’nosing’ & offering dirt as advice!It feels like a hospice in here! you dont need to type in some’thing’ for effect my friend. but, as a sign of benevolence, i forgive you! hope TVXYZ does so to.TVXYZ, delete such asides(both, his/her and mine), it surely is out of CONTEXT!

  24. Trauma Queen Says:

    ro n otherscreeps exist! why fret and waste ur energy on some dude you dont know! that’s my prerogative..hehehthis guy is a ranter, as we all knowhe’s not invited, as he himself knowshe’s a blogstalker – and no less greepy than the greeps i keep talking aboutand god only knows why he keeps coming back like a bad penny. just ignore madicheta – go poya pochhakoi kaam nahin hain kya?

  25. Anonymous Says:

    Salutations to TVXYZ, for resuing me from the herd (that follows you without questioning you. You’re playing the role of Amazon Princess to perfection)AND for showering me with delactable jibes! (they’re so funny it hurts!)Finally, I get comments from the only person I was addressing. For the record, I’m a blog-squatter not a blog-stalker. There’s a qualitative difference that any of youre wise enough to understand. TVXYZ….u wanted nihilism when you started the blog, well, you got it. (the blog is now a experiment-in-progress for any chaos theoretician).Just to make your day, here’s a thought. Its Funny how y’all considered me to be a confused,identity-crisis ridden male, arent women as capable if not worse). PS: Am half expecting a comment like, ‘this guy is confused about his sexuality’. that’ll set the ball rolling.

  26. goonsmack Says:

    so this is how you “get a life” (anon @ 4:05) ?? point taken.

  27. Anonymous Says:

    Is goonsmack a rip-off of godsmack?? Suspsct so,Here’s some godsmack for u to get a life, try…”Bad Religion”[Preacher:] The word of God says that we will recieve praise of God. God will begin to speak forth, ourRighteousness is of him, sayith the Lord, Can you feel Im not like you anymore.I cant see,I cant breathe.See you quiver like the dogs on the street,Looking down on as I beat you.Oh, its a bad religion,From a broken nation.Its a contradiction,And I cant take it anymore, yeah.Whos ta say I wont like you anyway?Take a deep breath,Im alive.Can you hear me,Im alive inside you.Agony creeps up behind you.Oh, Its a bad religion (Bad religion)From a broken nation (A broken nation)Its a contradiction,And I cant take it any f***ing moreIts a bad religion (bad religion, bad religion, bad religion)From a broken nation (Broken nation)Its a contradiction.Yeah.Can you feel it?I gotta live with it everydayAnd I cant take the pressure.Im goin’ insane,Now go awayGo away………………

  28. RO Says:

    <>Qualitative<>, you don’t stand a chance. <>Quantitative<> I would definitely agree with that. Nobody said you are ‘anything’; we are interpreting all this with your behavior here. If I was you, I would feel real bad about all this. You just might need a shrink for ‘status’ check. Adios <>Amigo<>

  29. Trauma Queen Says:

    ok yawnim bored and i want this nonsense to end. anon uncle/aunty.take a chillpill man..like seriouly why u getting so upset and all? my blog is very harmless..dont take everything so personally. anyway..this mud slinging can go on forever and i dont think anyone has the timeso how about telling me who u r, what u do n stuff. u have a blog?would b nice to share ideas with u…rather than all this nonsense. and dont bother wasting ur efforts quoting ‘intellectual’ type stuff, i dont understand half of it.

  30. Trauma Queen Says:

    sou:ish borfday of leetle pwincessgopa jous and bonana cake

  31. sou Says:

    heehee i wonder if she got up in the morning today and went “Hi !!ish my haffy burfday today!” to everybody…. in her sweet shrill voice.🙂 Wish she was here…

  32. Anonymous Says:

    Amigo Ro….one word for u: cállateTVXYZ: “ok yawnim bored (about time, so am I) and i want this nonsense to end (ditto).anon uncle/aunty.take a chillpill man..(which movie is this line from?)like seriouly (ala, classical hollywood bubblegum pop now!)why u getting so upset and all? my blog is very harmless..dont take everything so personally [I’m not, tell the others who think EITHER their or your modesty/intellgence (I know, the two dont sit well together) is getting outraged!]anyway..this mud slinging can go on forever and i dont think anyone has the time (seems like ro and goonsmack and the other anon do!) so how about telling me who u r, what u do n stuff. u have a blog? (stop patronising me, my ‘intellect’ can spot such things!!)would b nice to share ideas with u…rather than all this nonsense.(and you think the rest of the stuff plastered all over is not nonsense because….)“nd dont bother wasting ur efforts quoting ‘intellectual’ [intellectual (in quotes!!) you are too kind!]type stuff, i dont understand half of it.(So, you did understand the other half right!!lol…should not be that hard considering that collective intelligence levels here is quite modest)Is not your post “trying to be uncool to be cool.” Blashphemy!Now, where have I heard that before?SALUD!

  33. Trauma Queen Says:

    then why are you so scared to admit who you are🙂

  34. Anonymous Says:

    I apologize to all those who have suffered anonymous posts over the past couple of days….What started off as a prank from a creepy friend turned ugly and I kept thinking otherwise. I should not have taken such liberties and outraged everyone involved. I apologize to everyone for my insensitivity, Especially to the blog author….she knows who I am, and may/may not have told the others….Please forgive me..- M

  35. Anonymous Says:

    Not everyone can be original- simply because they just can’t!And, if they can’t be original- and you gals don’t like simple Simon saying ‘HI’ only- corny is what you get!Damn if men do and damn if they don’t!o3.indiatimes.com/anant_rulz

  36. Anonymous Says:

    Hi!! i m the vicky singh form the punjab..but now in the Dalli..will be making the frandship with me?Another anonhehehehe…

  37. pinky Says:

    hi vickyi am the pinky singh also from the punjabtussi bade cute ho

  38. George Says:

    Dear Trauma Queen:Yes these lines are painfully unoriginal and downright dumb, especially the ones you’ve so nicely catalogued on your blog.The truth is… these lines do work on women and that’s why us guys still use them. Parents and dog trainers have known this for years. If you want a behavior to continue you reward it.The sad truth is many women (not just in New Jersey) are rewarding these cheeseballs behavior by chatting them up and probably more. Much more.To stop these James Bond wannabe wankers, use the behavior modification techniques parents use with attention-seeking children. Ignore them. Eventually the negative actions will stop altogether. If that’s what you really want?So Trauma Queen… Did it hurt? When you fell out of heaven?

  39. Anonymous Says:

    I’ve never been bitten by the blog bug ,and I cant figure how I ever managed to land on this particular space. Glory be to the internet!Acually, I wldnt be entirely honest if I said id “never ever” done the whole blog gig – I decided to give it a roll a long time ago, and thats when I actually sat down to think what really got me ticking from within. And thats when I realized that WATER rules over toilet paper, and just like that The universe didnt seem to matter anymore. Reading this post reminded me of something hilarious i got in my mail a long time ago which i thought I should share. For those of you who’ve already read this post, go back to making haste with you’re lives :)……Forget pick up lines, this chick had a business blue print to scout for men :d…THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG’S LISTWhat am I doing wrong?Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes atleast half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mindthat a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don’t thinkI’m overreaching at all.Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Couldyou send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t getme to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was marriedto an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty asI am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do Iget to her level?Here are my questions specifically:– Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,restaurants, gyms-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt myfeelings-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?– Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper eastside so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who havenothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop deadgorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the storythere?– Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investmentbanker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do theyhang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?– How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking forMARRIAGE ONLYPlease hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honestway. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up frontabout it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’table to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping anice home and hearth. * it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services orother commercial interests PostingID: 432279810THE ANSWERDear Pers-431649184: I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfullyabout your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits yourbill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how Isee it. Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple acr@ppy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what yousuggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bringmy money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and mymoney will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likelythat my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’tbe getting any more beautiful! So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earningasset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciationaccelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay prettyhot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins inearnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buyand hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business senseto “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In caseyou think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money wereto go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’sas simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard tobelieve that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500Khasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout. By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and thenwe wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort oflease, let me know.

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