The black and white divide

Curious forward I got in my mailbox….It seems that this letter was written in response to an article in a well-founded magazine, by an English woman who requested a response from Indian men.

I do not (entirely) support most of the stuff written here…some of it made me wanna slap both the writers…aspects of it show how friggin NARROW MINDED indian men can be. . (even though the guy here is pretending to be ‘virtuous’ and ‘broad’-minded)

some of it however, was interesting…

Fondfire – this one is especially for you (as a part of it talks about tanning salons 😉
_____________________________________________________________
Dear Editor:
I’m sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Indian male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to an Indian male, good-looking, educated and loving. I just don’t understand a lot of Indian female’s attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Indian women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Indian men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world.


If Indian women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don’t they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we’re out in public. I would like to hear from some Indian men about why we white women are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Bellefonte, Sydney Pointier, Koki Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gory, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishbone, Wesley Snipes…I could go on and on. But, right now, I’m a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don’t be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I’m wrong, Indian men, let me know.

Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA.
—————————— —————————— —–
The Response:

Dear Editor:
I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.

Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old Indian man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta , Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful Non-White men.

I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why Indian men date white women.

Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why Indian men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The Indian girls in my neighborhood were raised traditionally. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls.

Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of Indian males date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of Indian men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our Indian women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many Indian men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous Indian men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women.

I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful Indian men date white women. Non-Whites like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth ‘Babyface’ Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong Non-White women. And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire Non-White women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert Denier, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don’t want the ‘Disgusted White Girl’ to be misinformed.

Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when Non-White Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt , you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history! It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was Non-White women who were breastfeeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the Non-White woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail.

Indian women were born with two strikes against them: being Non-White and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the Indian women’s strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my Indian Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colours and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about Indian women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with Indian women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin. If you are so proud to be white, then why don’t you just be happy with your pale skin?
Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the Non-White woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understand my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill. No offense taken, none given.

Signed,
Indian Royalty.

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12 Responses to “The black and white divide”

  1. fondfire Says:

    This does seem to be < HREF="http://fondfire.blogspot.com/2006/09/new-darkening-cream.html" REL="nofollow">a theme<> lately, eh?There’s certainly next to nothing I can support here in either letter. It seems to be two people taking turns clubbing each other over the head with bizarre racial stereotypes. (Some of which are rather unfamiliar to me.) I hope they both become more broad-minded people, really.Of course, they are (in the most mean-spirited way) describing something that parallels something I see here in the U. S. It does seem to be true that white women date black, mid-Eastern, and Indian men at a higher rate than white mean date black, mid-Eastern, or Indian women. White men, however, seem to date Asian women at a much higher rate than white women date asian men. The explanations for this phenomena most often revolve around racial stereotypes, especially involving the purported relative penis-size of the various groups. Black men and asian women seem to have particularly potent sexual stereotypes revolving around them in U. S. culture. White women seem to have a cross-cultural sexual appeal far transcending any cross-cultural sex appeal that white men may have.I have to say that I (again) suspect these phenomena may be more grounded in relative social-class rather than inherent racial characteristics. (It’s also possible that I just don’t want to admit my poor little white penis is inadequate, I suppose. But we’re going to explore the other possibilities as I haven’t been out measuring other men’s penises and correlating the data by race.) I think that, for whatever reason, men might be more likely to date women considered to date a more stereotypically “prestigious” race than their own (and thus reflect their own prestige). There may be some psychological reasons why women are actually less likely to date a stereotypically more racially “prestigious” man, too. For one thing, I think people will be more likely to see a woman dating a more racially “prestigious” man as being exploited by him, whereas a man of a less “prestigious” race will probably automatically be seen as more accomodating and awed. Perhaps, though, I’m only succeeding in transfering these tendencies from racial to gender stereotypes. 😦I don’t have numbers to back-up my perceptions, but I have noticed that certain combinations along certain gender lines seem far more likely than others. I think it’s all about misperceptions and I think it’s unfortunate. I would be open to dating a person for any race or nationality, though practically speaking, I also know I’m simply most likely to have the most in common (and to be best understood) by somebody from a very similar background to my own.I can remember (but can’t actually site) some interesting research findings that bear on this . . . First of all, I know that the likelihood of divorce is much higher when the partners come from two different racial or ethnic backgrounds. (It simply means they have different cultural assumptions, which makes marriage more challenging! Other things, like high education, different religions, being a fundamentalist, are also correlated to increased liklihood of divorce, though, so your mileage may vary. And these statistics are all pulled from the U. S. and may not reflect anywhere else at all!) I also know that they’ve found people are more physiologically (measurably) aroused by people who are racially different (in any way) from themselves, even if they verbally deny any attraction!!! (We seem to be turned on by differences, even if we don’t feel it’s appropriate to be turned on by that.)I really feel, ideally, that it shouldn’t matter. Practically, I know that it almost always does.I can only hope we all keep gettin’ it on with each other until the differences eventually become more widespread and less predictably tied to geography and culture!!! 😀 I do think that would prevent a lot of trouble, though it might possibly be more boring . . .And finally, I must say, this can be uncomfortable topic of conversation for a Southern white guy . . . :-p

  2. fondfire Says:

    Also, there does seem to be a trend recently (right now, I’ve only heard of this in big cities) of white men who fetishize Indian women in the way that Asian women have been fetishized in the past. I think this is probably because of what I was saying on my blog about the fact that, in the U. S., Indians are increasingly seen to be “honorary whites.”

  3. Uday Says:

    Racist asshole both! Dont think it deserves any more than this!

  4. prachi Says:

    hi buddy,no comments sorry…but was shocked how both the parties are just jolt down the stupid things…

  5. autogato Says:

    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I”m teaching a class on Multiculturalism this semester and these letters highlight so much of what I have been talking about: STEREOTYPES, STEREOTYPES, STEREOTYPES. Two people spouting overgeneralizations at one another – two people who apparently haven’t taken the time to get to know individuals in different cultures long enough to realize that stereotypes can’t define a group. There are more differences WITHIN a group than there are BETWEEN TWO GROUPS. Variability, baby! Geez. To be blunt, people like this PISS ME OFF. UGH! HELLO – different does NOT mean DEFICIT. I’m beyond all that “color blind” crap – the “I don’t see color, race isn’t important.” That’s a load of bung – ethnicity and race ARE important – VERY IMPORTANT. They are important parts of an individual’s identity, cultural heritage, beliefs, values, etc. They are part of what makes a person who she or he is. So ignoring race and pretending it isn’t there isn’t going to get us anyway. What WILL get us someplace, though, is acknowledging that differences DO exist and trying to keep an OPEN mind and learn to APPRECIATE and UNDERSTAND things that are different from us! And I don’t just mean from an academic perspective – I don’t just mean reading about people in books. I mean this: it would be so AWESOME if more people took the time to really get to KNOW people that are different from them and to try to understand and appreciate those differences – why they exist and how they can impact the person.One of the biggest steps in learning to appreciate diversity is becoming aware of our own cultural identities and values. We can’t begin to understand other people if we don’t understand where we ourselves are coming from. And that can include asking ourselves some very difficult questions. But it is SOOO WORTH IT.Thank you, Trauma Queen, for posting this. Topics like this get me hopped up because I believe that appreciation of cultural diversity is CRITICALLY important not only for me as a professional, but also as a PERSON.HOORAY!

  6. Lil Yang Says:

    I could go on forever about this stuff. I’ve witnessed so much of this nonsense from people I’ve known, accept it was kind of reversed, with an Indian woman claiming there were no good Indian men and a white woman I knew that dated an Indian guy I knew was claiming that Indian men were just not “patriarchal” enough, whatever that means. But I digress. I’m just glad I don’t have to go through it. Now let’s talk about the Holocaust.

  7. Trauma Queen Says:

    autogato – this is exactly why such stupid forwards interest me…and what’s more annoying is the forward had a note that said “read on…and be proud of our indian men”hogwash!the parts that interested me was all the stuff on the egyptian queens…and how “It was Non-White women who were breastfeeding and raising your babies during slavery.” of course, to use historical facts as fuel for mud slinging is silly…but come to think of it, how many people are truly broadminded??? like i said,,,this gyu is trying so hard to be fair…but lands up digging his own grave! dont you think most people are just like these people? in india right now there is this huge fight happening so as to ged rid of reservation altogether…and sadly, most people have a stand for most issues..without really knowing the consequences of thier thoughts and actions…and i can keep writin all this on my blog..but i will be a liar if i say that i have NEVER participated in discrimination in some form (mild/unconscious) or another…

  8. SaraS-P Says:

    How many over-generalizations can both of these idiots squeeze into their letters???So much has been said already, but, please…. human beings of all races are far more complex than either of these morons give them credit for!

  9. autogato Says:

    I can’t believe this posting hasn’t gotten more comments on it! ANd yes, Trauma Queen – you are correct. NONE of us is free from prejudice. What’s important, though, is recognizing one’s prejudices, being strong enough to admit them to onself, and then working to be aware of how they affect on’e sinteractions and also working to get rid of them!!!!🙂Multiculturalism rocks.

  10. Ameet Says:

    Wow. Where do I start? Too bad I didn’t read this sooner. Thanks for posting this, TQ.To echo what autogato says, every time I hear a white person say “I’m colourblind”, his/her credibility in my mind sinks like a boulder. Either that person’s a huge liar, or extremely naive. Either way, my guards go up in an instant. The point is there ARE differences and we need to acknowledge them.

  11. Y? Says:

    eeeeks! both letters are narrow minded and just plain SCARY!

  12. Something to Say Says:

    in a time when understanding and wanting to cross the divide is the need of the hour – its scary to see such strong, sharp and stingy prejudices. And who marries who – ought to be such a personal decision – why are the 2 people wanting to justify their decisions. bah!


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