“Hum langde…hargiz na the
Par hum ligament…bacha na sake
Humko mili…uski saza
Plaster cast….lagwaana pada”
– A’s dedication to Trauma ‘Langda Tyagi*’ Queen
It all started a month back….I had just won myself a ‘fun award’ at the office party for the category of ‘best smile’. I was going to collect my prize, but gravity suddenly defied me…. I was flying in the air and before I knew what was going on, I crash landed on my back. I opened my eyes to see utter shock on everybody else’s face, as if I had met with a car accident or something.
In my enthusiasm to collect my prize, I missed a step and tripped. To make matters worse, my three inch heels were instrumental in differentiating ‘a fall’ from ‘a bad fall.’
Now a party is a party, so I danced nevertheless, cos what the hell, a stupid sprain is a stupid sprain. Alas! When my stupid sprain had swollen to the size of a tirupathi ladoo that night, I knew that something was amiss.
“Nazar lag gayi” (the evil eye) was what mommy said. “Ligament Tear” was what the doc said. For those who do not know what a ligament tear is, please to see the copyrighted picture below:
Now nothing could be better than 10 days of Spongebob, Nickolodeon and Cartoon network. And of course, a whole lot of pampering from my folks 🙂
But the ways of the corporate world are different, you’re not only incessantly bothered by calls from the office when you’re watching spongebob, you have a mountain of work waiting for you when you get back.
So I hopped about with my crepe bandage, much to the joy of my colleague A who kept shouting ‘Langda Tyagi Bahubali’ every time I limped past him. His virus spread and my ‘office-ial’ nickname is now Langda Tyagi. Limping is a pain, but the nice thing about being a Langda Tyagi is that everyone spoils you rotten, office meanies are forced to be nice to you, etc etc.
The trauma started when the swelling did not reduce after two weeks, and I was told to wear a plaster cast. As if my sister and her kids coming down was not shocking enough, I had to pack all my high heeled shoes (doctor’s orders) and the only footwear I could wear were my bathroom slippers. I struggled to walk with crutches, and had to take extra care with where and how I walked; had to plasticate myself every time I took a bath (BIG PAIN) and oh, the real trauma is the body ache that is a result of transferring the weight of one entire leg onto the rest of your body. And somehwere in between I was being harassed by a loser on the phone. All in all, I clung on to the hope that after two weeks, the ordeal would be over.
Today was the day I was to be a cast-away! I was warned that post-cast trauma lasts for two days, what with the foot muscles becoming really weak and a frightening increase in hair growth in the plastered area. But who cares, the cast would be off and I would be Langda Tyaagi no more.
But the ‘evil eye’ has other ways of working… my doctor simply smiled and said “Oh your leg still hurts a bit??…Just a little bit?? Only in the mornings?? Just for “five minutes only doc”??? Not because of the ligment tear but the cast itself??? Well, you need to keep the cast on for another week or two…no further arguments.”
Another week OR TWO???? Am I destined to be a cast-ist for the rest of my life? Is the curse of Langda Tyaagi ever going to leave me??? Why why why??? All cos of missing a single friggin stupid step at a party…..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! I miss my pretty shoes, I’m bored of wearing these chappals. I’m fed up of using those god-damned crutches (though I must admit I’m so agile with them now, I could win a para’limp’ic race or something)
“At least you did not hurt your head or your back” was what my mom said to console me. The twins and the niece are a great distraction and the best way to forget about the pain. My cols continue to pull my ligament…I mean leg…but oh well…another week (or two), and hopefully, this trauma will FINALLY be over.
Till then, I get to bully everyone around me to attend to each and every whim of mine, cos after all, I’m a Bahubali 😉
*Langda in Hindi means ‘lame’. Langda Tyagi is the character of Iago in an Indian adaptation of Othello