Why being married is so annoying

Women in India get to hear a lot of crap every now and then. Married Indian women, are almost always made to listen to senseless crap that they are expected to comprehend AND agree with.  Comments ranging from why you looks a certain way, talk a certain way, dress (or not dress) a certain way, walk a certain way, fart a certain way – the scrutiny never ends! And considering I was super-paranoid of the idea of getting hitched, there are days the shitload of this senseless crap is enough to drive me clinically insane.

One of the most the ridiculous conversations I have had as married woman went something like this. I choose to keep this blogpost light-hearted so I shall stick to the ridiculous aspects of the senseless crap more than the serious ones.

Random Person (much younger than me) I met for the first time: “You don’t look married.”
Me: “Really? So what do married people ‘look’ like?”
RP: “You know, they look more responsible.”
Me: “You have just met me and you’re suggesting I’m irresponsible?”
RP: “No No, I am sure you are responsible work-wise, but I meant looking responsible family-wise.”

And to make matters worse, as if being married did not invite silly statements like the one above, there is this GINORMOUS expectation of producing babies – sometimes as soon a month of married life is up. No really, ma kasam, I am serious!

Here is a list of statements that have got me an “Are you in the family way?” reaction. Do you have anything to add to this list? Or am I the only unfortunate soul who gets such reactions?

  1. I’m nauseous (it could be bad food or bad ventilation…but noo)
  2. I’m really hungry (because I’m really hungry and nothing else!)
  3. I feel like eating a raw mango (because it’s yummy..duh!)
  4. I feel like eating a chocolate chip cookie (raw mango I get..what is the connection with cookies?!?!)
  5. I was unwell and took a few days off (swine flu, typhoid, malaria….but nooo)
  6. My back hurts (long hours on the comp…but nooo)
  7. My feet hurt (well they generally do)
  8. I have news to share (and no it is not “good news” :P)

And if a married woman throws up, even if she clearly states she is suffering from a gastric infection, there will still be someone who will ask her, “Are you in the family way?” 😛

YAAAAAAAAARGH! Kill me someone! Here I thought the person I was married to would drive me insane – who knew it would be everyone else instead?!?!

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Wormicelli

If the title did not do enough to conjure an utterly gross image in your head, listen to this story:

A neighbour of mine – a fairly healthy man with no medical problems, was happily minding his own business when he suddenly had convulsive fits. He was rushed to the hospital and no one had any clue as to what was going on. After conducting MRI’s and CT scans and what nots – they found out the source for his troubles – a tapeworm lodged in his brain.

This man is a vegetarian, (so much for pork being the only source of tapeworm.) I’m so scared now – I had really nasty cramps last week. And now this! What if he was hiking or driving? What kind of veggies are they selling in my area? Are they really growing it in sewage water? I’m so terribly freaked out by these wormy tales I feel disgusted at the sight of vegetables now – n that’s super sad cos I’m a skinny vegetarian 😦

So much for signing a ‘worm peace’ pact with the critters. I don’t believe we can ever be friends. I truly feel like I’m living out an episode from the X-Files. I have got myself dewormed but I’m still maha freaked out. So if u don’t find me blogging or posting lousy comments on your blogs, you may safely assume I am having convulsive fits…

In other not-so-depressing news, I find myself afflicted by another worm – a earworm. Every time I need to speak to a team in Philippines – I have that song ‘Bebot’ playing in me head. It’s terribly distracting sige, and horribly annoying – sige.

What next? Ringworm?

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Anthropologically speaking

What is the process of mate selection among humans?

Does the guy choose or does the girl choose or is it mutual??? I think unlike all other species, among humans it’s the male who chooses his mate. While peacocks and male robins and lions are gifted with features that make them attractive, among humans it’s the female who has to preen and prettify herself so that she can attract a suitable mate, despite the fact that it is the female who is sought after….

And while among all animal species it’s the female who chooses her mate, chooses when she wants to mate, and who typically chooses none other than the alpha male – it seems to be completely opposite with humans. The dowry system proves that its a matter of honor and prestige for the female to be chosen… and I guess the more ‘endowed’ she is (pun intended), the greater are her chances of being selected.

So is it really a mutual thing??

Is there a concept of an alpha female among humans??? I guess not…why was she dragged from caves by her hair..is it cos there is no concept of ‘consent’ in human mating? You mean to say she preens herself to attract the male but then has no say as to whether she is ready to mate or not?? (as against lions, tigers, even iguanas) Is it the same with chimps and gorillas, our distant cousins?? Or does she make herself attractive to show that she is ready to mate??

Or is female preening an after-effect of civilization???

What about an alpha male…is James Bond an alpha male? Does the perfect combination of power, prestige and money make a man an alpha male??? Is that why he gets all the girls???

I’m extremely confused and I guess watching discovery channel and bond movies will only confuse me more.

The black and white divide

Curious forward I got in my mailbox….It seems that this letter was written in response to an article in a well-founded magazine, by an English woman who requested a response from Indian men.

I do not (entirely) support most of the stuff written here…some of it made me wanna slap both the writers…aspects of it show how friggin NARROW MINDED indian men can be. . (even though the guy here is pretending to be ‘virtuous’ and ‘broad’-minded)

some of it however, was interesting…

Fondfire – this one is especially for you (as a part of it talks about tanning salons 😉
_____________________________________________________________
Dear Editor:
I’m sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Indian male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to an Indian male, good-looking, educated and loving. I just don’t understand a lot of Indian female’s attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Indian women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Indian men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world.


If Indian women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don’t they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we’re out in public. I would like to hear from some Indian men about why we white women are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Bellefonte, Sydney Pointier, Koki Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gory, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishbone, Wesley Snipes…I could go on and on. But, right now, I’m a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don’t be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I’m wrong, Indian men, let me know.

Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA.
—————————— —————————— —–
The Response:

Dear Editor:
I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.

Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old Indian man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta , Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful Non-White men.

I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why Indian men date white women.

Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why Indian men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The Indian girls in my neighborhood were raised traditionally. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls.

Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of Indian males date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of Indian men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our Indian women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many Indian men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous Indian men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women.

I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful Indian men date white women. Non-Whites like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth ‘Babyface’ Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong Non-White women. And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire Non-White women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert Denier, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don’t want the ‘Disgusted White Girl’ to be misinformed.

Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when Non-White Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt , you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history! It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was Non-White women who were breastfeeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the Non-White woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail.

Indian women were born with two strikes against them: being Non-White and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the Indian women’s strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my Indian Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colours and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about Indian women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with Indian women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin. If you are so proud to be white, then why don’t you just be happy with your pale skin?
Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the Non-White woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understand my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill. No offense taken, none given.

Signed,
Indian Royalty.

Swing and dance

Can’t sing in the rain so decided to dance at home instead.

Enjoying some reaaal good swing on ‘The Hop’ (Worldspace)

This blogpost is going to document each thought process as it happens

So uhm…why is it called the hop? has Hip-hop got something to do with it?

Lindy Hop is the origin of Swing….Jitterbug also gets it roots from there.
That song ‘Wake me up before u go go’ by George Michael shows some Jitterbug
“Jitterbug” is in fact the first word uttered when the song commences.
(can’t get over his ultra short shorts though! they’re so….girly!)

Swing is almost synonymous with jazz (we’re talking The Great Gatsby, Take the A train etc)

Jitterbug, in fact, accompanies rock n roll.

Jive is supposedly just a universal name for swingy dance forms.
(remember oooold archie comics….where they show the gang wearing anda kaalam clothes doing the jitterbug/jive?)

I still can’t get over George Michael’s short shorts…..

and look at this strange connection:
“One evening in 1927, following Lindbergh’s flight to Paris, a local dance enthusiast named “Shorty George” Snowden was watching some of the dancing couples. A newspaper reporter asked him what dance they were doing, and it just so happened that there was a newspaper with an article about Lindbergh’s flight sitting on the bench next to them. The title of the article read, “Lindy Hops The Atlantic,” and George just sort of read that and said, “Lindy Hop” and the name stuck.”

More very interesting trivia:

1. ‘Jazz’ has its roots in brothels (post WW1). It used to be the slang word for intercourse.

2. John Travolta’s oh-so-famous ‘Saturday Night Fever’ move is called the Hustle. Disco dancing is nothing but the hustle.
(anyone seen Kung-Fu hustle? cute movie)
(Bappi Da is channel [v]’s artist of the month…hehehe)

3. Hip-hop is not a dance form!!!! It is a meta culture that includes rap, the gangsta attitude, loose jeans, graffiti art (yes!) break dancing etc. Hip-hop as a culture was all about rebellion – against racism and poverty. The loose jeans happened cos ‘offendors’ had to get rid of their belts when in prison.
It’s sad that in recent times hip-hop has gotten reduced to ghettorific pimpdom. Hip-hop has also done its bit to contribute neollogisms to the English vocab. (Try and find two words, very unique to hip-hop, used here)

4. Almost every form of modern western music, has its roots in African culture. Even Country!

5. While one may associate Europe with classical western music and the Beatles, (well, I do!) the only music playing there today is electronica.
Come to think of it, Bach and all those pipe organs sound very electronic!
(ross geller…hehhhee)

6. my fave jazz song (as of now) is ‘Take Five’. If anyone has the vocal version of it, pls send it to me 🙂