The Greep Files – 2

Not sure why I decided to publish this after four years…but I just did.

A persistent greep (geeky creep) kept harassing me via email (official mail if you may) for many months when I was a fresher in this very same office, and when my parents and best friend happened to be abroad. This was years before they set up an anti-harassment cell. When it was commonplace to sing Hindi songs to women, wave at them, follow them, stare stare and stare (I wondered if staring at a computer all day made IT workers compulsive starers). When HR would say “It’s ok ma..we do not want to fire a good employee…just tell him to stop and leave it at that.” When I would go nuts wondering if my neighbour who happened to work in the same office was this psycho. When I quit the company because I stopped having faith in it.

I never got to know who this psycho was, but I do know that my workplace is very different now. No one stares at me. No one dares to. Either the anti-harassment posters have educated many an IT worker, or some girls just manage to get the no-nonsense look after going through a lot of nonsense.

Now, I have faith in the system, in the anti-harassment cell, of being very well versed with corporate law, and in the power of reacting, instead of staying silent.

I posted the first set of the greep files back in 2005 when it happened. I am completing the story now.

FILE FIVE:
sub: hello

Hello,

I hope u must be comfortable by now at new location.In my last mail I asked for ur cell no. These mails & my career are heavily related; technically these mails constitute an unacceptable term in any company following best practices.

Actually, every time I want to ping u, past 24 yrs of my life, flash in front of my eyes in a moment’s time. [Popularly said – just before death u get glimpse of ur life in few seconds]

All those days cycling and going to school, coming back studying hard for engineering entrance, then recognizing importance of a Management degree and securing admission in a B School. Always sitting in front row of the class (unwillingly) and asking unwanted questions for securing class participation marks and meeting Profs personally, helping them in their projects and technical papers as a part of Outside Class Participation. The whole process is (un)popularly termed as RGgiri (RG stands for relative grading). The picture can be better understood if u read Chetan Bhagat’s Five Point Someone. All this for a decent job. Which I feel, I have now. Actually I don’t want to throw away hard work done all these years for such a relatively trivial issue. I hope u understand my concerns now.

Btw ur new look is pretty. U r looking gorgeous. U must be flattered by now and would have decided to offer me a cup of coffee (Pls say yes). So ur cell no. and preferred meeting place/time???

I hope I am not disturbing u all these days.
Sincerely waiting for ur reply.
________________________________________________________
MY REPLY :
(which HR asked me to tone down, since I had first mentioned going to the police and all…after which I never heard from the guy again)

Hi,
Since you are so concerned about your career, my advice to you would be to stop all forms of communication henceforth. Please do not try to contact me OR any of my friends or I will be forced to take the necessary steps.

I wanted to meet you in person to figure this out with you, but you are obviously too frightened, and I do not know how you can expect anyone to give their phone number to a faceless, nameless person.

You are aware of the fact that what you are doing is WRONG and you still continue to be persistent. So much so that when I ignored your mails, you thought contacting my friend was alright.

Please note that this is no way to communicate or make friends with anybody.
__________________________________________________________________
Email sent to my best friend, the same day:
I am purposely sending off mail from gmail account….figured its safe. I’m missing u a lot.

That stupid loser will not stop…and I hav tried to sweet talk him into revealing his identity..friends kinda suggestd that.. but he just completely dodges me. I got frustrated and sent a “stop botherin me” mail based on what HR told me. They said they will try n trace him…try it seems..all big chickens..psychos and management.

I fully told off MS to help me try and trace this guy’s id….even he was like “what does this guy want..wants to pester you..but does not want to meet you” and the funny part is when I told him how the psycho wants to meet for coffee and get my number …he was like “he has a chance in hell..I could not achieve that even tho I was on the same floor for 10 months” hehehehhehee

Seems with each new creep..the previous one seems like an angel in comparison…..I suppose MS is nicer cos he’s an open creep……and suddenly even doodh waala bhaiyya with the oily hair who kept singing filmi songs seems like a nice guy..at least he was openly obnoxious…

do see the loser’s latest mail and my reply..and i dont think i will EVER read five point anyone 😛

PICK UP LINES

I used to like to believe that men were very dumb. Statistics at the end of every school examination always proved so.
A little later I started believing that men were a different species altogether – feminist teachers and too much literature tend to do that to you.
As of today, I’m convinced that men are dumb, men are different, and men will NEVER change. NEVER. They will always be stupid, they will always be different, and they will always use the dumbest pick-up lines to do what they love doing – chasing girls.

I thought it would be fun to make a list of some of the corniest lines I have ever heard. Here goes:

“I didn’t believe in love at first sight…till I saw you”
(dude…your’e not wearing ur glasses…ur more outta sight than u know!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guy at Daaali wedding..and this can only happen in delhi!
“I think I’ve seen you somewhere…..in my dreams”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guy at the workplace, his manager used to sit next to me:
“I can’t seem to find my manager, but if you do see him (scribbles something on a piece of paper and hands it to me), do give me a call, here’s my number. My name is Mukul.”
(I left his little chit of paper at his manager’s desk)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My friend ‘Anj’ told me about her experience:
“Could you please walk by me one more time…cos I don’t believe in love at first sight.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following guy had left me baffled for a very long time:
“I’m really sorry for what I did. I did not mean to hurt you or upset you. I hope you’re o.k.”
(I had nooooo clue who this guy was and what he was talking about…only months later I came to know that it was all an attention seeking gimmick.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had heard about the following guy on our campus, and even had the opportunity to witness him in action, twice:
Scenario one:
“Excuse me, are you from Delhi?”
“err no”
“Oh ok..you looked very familiar..by the way my name is…”

Scenario two:
“Excuse me, are you from Delhi?”
“Yes, how did you know?”
“Your face is so familiar..I’m from Delhi…by the way my name is….”

(Eventually the word spread that this guy was not from Delhi but from some “near by Delhi” place)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Younger men are also getting gutsy:
“The other day when u were conducting dumb charades u were looking soooo soooo sooo sooo beautiful….I could neither participate but keep staring at u as I volunteered to be the scorer..aha nice ploy by me right?? I wrote a poem too [well sometimes i do so] I will read it to u when i meet or meat u next time.”
(‘meat’ you next time???????? I have decided never to organize dumb charades ever again….)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following happened today, and I so cannot get over it. I moved to a new office and was setting up my system, when all of a sudden this guy pops outta nowhere, holding glossy paper fliers in his hand, smiling his jaws out and he says:
“Hi! I’m Nikhil. Can you please show me how to take a printout of this?”
(Printout?? What was he thinking?????? At least if he said ‘photocopy’ his lame excuse would have been more plausible!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why must men resort to ‘lines’ just to get to know someone? It amazes me that a simple ‘hi’ does not seem to be good enough for them. I mean, replace all those corny pick-up lines with a simple ‘hi’ or a shy smile, and you have the same men transformed from jokers to normal guys. Instead they choose to make asses of themselves with their dumb pick up lines (often accompanied by a pasty grin to make matters worse).

There was a time when I would ask myself, “What were they thinking????”

And then like a bolt of lightening, the answer struck me —-
Men do not think 🙂

The Greep Files – 1

Greeps*,creeps, eeks and yeeks
Available in all shapes and sizes in all parts of the world
Mostly encountered if you are young, attraaaa(n)aactive and most importantly – female!
Though most creeps and eeks are male, there are, as always, exceptions to the rule…

The following is a classic case of a greep.
These are ACTUAL mails I received from a real time loser at the workplace.
No part of the document has been tweaked or spiced up – it has been presented to you “as-is”

*greep – (noun), a geeky creep, Copyright Udeesha Srivastava, a colleague of TVNMCB)

FILE ONE:
sub: *My name* Important

Hello,
I don’t know how to start. Just a request, please don’t get annoyed or irritated after reading the mail. I liked the way you carry yourself in small interaction we had and would like to be friends with you. It is one the rare occasions when I had an opportunity to see such a cool and composed personality. I am not the kind of person who would pester someone.

Kindly give a serious thought to an earnest request of accepting my friendship. In any case please convey your decision by a reply to this mail. I will be highly thankful. One more request, please don’t create an issue out of this.
Regards
Kris

My reply (biiig mistake):
I am sorry I am unable to place you.
Where have we met / spoken?

FILE TWO:
sub: Hello

Hello ,
Aah! I agree that was fault on my part. I should have started with a formal introduction, but I dunno why but I was little scared :).

Okie, going forward, I did my engineering and did my MBA in Finance from reputed colleges. . Presently I’m working as a Business Analyst in Bangalore itself. Okie, to make it clear, I just intend to talk to u and be a friend. About you, I just know that you did your grad in English. I am preparing for GMAT and felt that you would be ideal person to help in my pursuit.

Hey! I’m too lazy to type more :). Can u please pass me ur yahoo messenger ID. Let’s meet there and discuss more.

Hey no second thoughts! I don’t think there’s any harm in being a friend. Looking forward for an equally cute reply (not a one liner :)).

Accha, so catch ya soon.

Cheers and lots of fun when we meet on Ymsgr

FILE THREE:
Sub: questionnaire [important]

Hello,
Sincerely speaking I was expecting a reply from your side. I would earnestly request you to select one/many of the options mentioned underneath [with explanation, if possible] as the possible reason for not replying:

a)You felt that the counterparty is a stalker. [This is trivial, Watson]
b)You already have a lot of friends. [There is no harm in having one more.]
c)You felt that counterparty is not worth because he/she didn’t came in person. [I didn’t wanted unwelcome risk with huge possible downside]
d)You are too busy. [You can judge better]
e)Any other ______________________[pls. specify]

My comments: I would have been flattered if I would have got those mails and surely rewarded counterparty with a cup of coffee at a mutually agreed place. [At least after this mail].
Request: Pls. don’t get irritated or annoyed as my intentions are not to bother you.
Pls. reply to this, I will be highly thankful.

FILE FOUR:
sub: final mail frm my side; pls read

Hello,
I must have acquired villainous status in your mind by now, which I never intended. I had honest intentions which perhaps were misunderstood or misinterpreted; I will leave that for you to decide.

If you still choose not to reply, this is the final mail from my side, as I sincerely feel that everything should have a logical ending. I will be contend looking at you without ever letting you know or disturbing you. In any case, all the very best for all your future endeavors.

Final regards
________________________________________________________
Final regards???

“Is he suicidal?” quoth Udeesha.

The stupidity turned to harassment when this greep was persistent in his greepiness, and thought that contacting a friend (third counterparty if you may!) was a sure way to get to me. Neither of us had any clue as to who this psycho was. When I tried to get him to meet me, he kept dodging me by saying “I do not want to lose my job over something so trivial”

I had to finally lodge an official complaint for all this to end.

We hear about harassment in the workplace, but it’s another thing when you have to encounter it, and encounter it every single day of your life. And it is a terrible state of affairs when the harasser knows what s/he’s doing, but brushes it away as “trivial”

I still do not know what exactly the greep wanted, and I know for a fact I only wasted my time by trying to figure it out.

My only question is: Why?
My earworm for the month during this ordeal was “Eleanor Rigby” by the Beatles
“All the lonely people, where do they all come from
All the lonely people, where do they all belong”

Some questions can never be answered, can they?