Why being married is so annoying

Women in India get to hear a lot of crap every now and then. Married Indian women, are almost always made to listen to senseless crap that they are expected to comprehend AND agree with.  Comments ranging from why you looks a certain way, talk a certain way, dress (or not dress) a certain way, walk a certain way, fart a certain way – the scrutiny never ends! And considering I was super-paranoid of the idea of getting hitched, there are days the shitload of this senseless crap is enough to drive me clinically insane.

One of the most the ridiculous conversations I have had as married woman went something like this. I choose to keep this blogpost light-hearted so I shall stick to the ridiculous aspects of the senseless crap more than the serious ones.

Random Person (much younger than me) I met for the first time: “You don’t look married.”
Me: “Really? So what do married people ‘look’ like?”
RP: “You know, they look more responsible.”
Me: “You have just met me and you’re suggesting I’m irresponsible?”
RP: “No No, I am sure you are responsible work-wise, but I meant looking responsible family-wise.”

And to make matters worse, as if being married did not invite silly statements like the one above, there is this GINORMOUS expectation of producing babies – sometimes as soon a month of married life is up. No really, ma kasam, I am serious!

Here is a list of statements that have got me an “Are you in the family way?” reaction. Do you have anything to add to this list? Or am I the only unfortunate soul who gets such reactions?

  1. I’m nauseous (it could be bad food or bad ventilation…but noo)
  2. I’m really hungry (because I’m really hungry and nothing else!)
  3. I feel like eating a raw mango (because it’s yummy..duh!)
  4. I feel like eating a chocolate chip cookie (raw mango I get..what is the connection with cookies?!?!)
  5. I was unwell and took a few days off (swine flu, typhoid, malaria….but nooo)
  6. My back hurts (long hours on the comp…but nooo)
  7. My feet hurt (well they generally do)
  8. I have news to share (and no it is not “good news” :P)

And if a married woman throws up, even if she clearly states she is suffering from a gastric infection, there will still be someone who will ask her, “Are you in the family way?” 😛

YAAAAAAAAARGH! Kill me someone! Here I thought the person I was married to would drive me insane – who knew it would be everyone else instead?!?!

Screw your work!

Once again Sou, thanks for inspiring me to tweak yet another song’s lyrics….

To be sung to the tune of MJ’s ‘Heal the World’

There’s a place in your heart
And I know it isn’t love
And this place could be brighter for tomorrow.
If you give up and sigh
You will always want to cry
In this place you’ll feel there’s only hurt and sorrow.
There are ways to get out
If you care for healthy living
Make a little space, make a better place.

Chorus:
Screw you work
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the workaholic race
There are people dying
Who slog too much for a living
Make a better place for you and for me.

If you want to know why
Nasty bosses never die
They are harsh
and never give you a good rating.
Break your back, you will see
There’s a bliss you cannot feel
Fear or dread
We start existing and stop living
Then it feels that always
The workload just keeps growing
Makes you pull hair, Makes you run away

Chorus:
Screw you work
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire slogger race
There are grey cells dying
In that brain you tax for a living
Make a better place for you and for me.

Bridge:
And the dreams you once had time for will show a joyful face
And the world you once believed in will shine again in grace
The salary hike aint much
The more you slog the more you’re crushed
It’s plain to see, mediocrity
Is the way to go!

Chorus:
Screw you work
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the workaholic race
There are people dying
Who slog too much for a living
Make a better place for you and for me.

Refrain (2x)

You and for me / Screw your work, don’t give in
You and for me / Have a dream, start living
You and for me / Screw your work, don’t give in
You and for me / Have a dream, start living
You and for me / Screw your work, don’t give in
You and for me / Have a dream, start living
You and for me / Screw your work, don’t give in
You and for me / Have a dream, start living

The Greep Files – 2

Not sure why I decided to publish this after four years…but I just did.

A persistent greep (geeky creep) kept harassing me via email (official mail if you may) for many months when I was a fresher in this very same office, and when my parents and best friend happened to be abroad. This was years before they set up an anti-harassment cell. When it was commonplace to sing Hindi songs to women, wave at them, follow them, stare stare and stare (I wondered if staring at a computer all day made IT workers compulsive starers). When HR would say “It’s ok ma..we do not want to fire a good employee…just tell him to stop and leave it at that.” When I would go nuts wondering if my neighbour who happened to work in the same office was this psycho. When I quit the company because I stopped having faith in it.

I never got to know who this psycho was, but I do know that my workplace is very different now. No one stares at me. No one dares to. Either the anti-harassment posters have educated many an IT worker, or some girls just manage to get the no-nonsense look after going through a lot of nonsense.

Now, I have faith in the system, in the anti-harassment cell, of being very well versed with corporate law, and in the power of reacting, instead of staying silent.

I posted the first set of the greep files back in 2005 when it happened. I am completing the story now.

FILE FIVE:
sub: hello

Hello,

I hope u must be comfortable by now at new location.In my last mail I asked for ur cell no. These mails & my career are heavily related; technically these mails constitute an unacceptable term in any company following best practices.

Actually, every time I want to ping u, past 24 yrs of my life, flash in front of my eyes in a moment’s time. [Popularly said – just before death u get glimpse of ur life in few seconds]

All those days cycling and going to school, coming back studying hard for engineering entrance, then recognizing importance of a Management degree and securing admission in a B School. Always sitting in front row of the class (unwillingly) and asking unwanted questions for securing class participation marks and meeting Profs personally, helping them in their projects and technical papers as a part of Outside Class Participation. The whole process is (un)popularly termed as RGgiri (RG stands for relative grading). The picture can be better understood if u read Chetan Bhagat’s Five Point Someone. All this for a decent job. Which I feel, I have now. Actually I don’t want to throw away hard work done all these years for such a relatively trivial issue. I hope u understand my concerns now.

Btw ur new look is pretty. U r looking gorgeous. U must be flattered by now and would have decided to offer me a cup of coffee (Pls say yes). So ur cell no. and preferred meeting place/time???

I hope I am not disturbing u all these days.
Sincerely waiting for ur reply.
________________________________________________________
MY REPLY :
(which HR asked me to tone down, since I had first mentioned going to the police and all…after which I never heard from the guy again)

Hi,
Since you are so concerned about your career, my advice to you would be to stop all forms of communication henceforth. Please do not try to contact me OR any of my friends or I will be forced to take the necessary steps.

I wanted to meet you in person to figure this out with you, but you are obviously too frightened, and I do not know how you can expect anyone to give their phone number to a faceless, nameless person.

You are aware of the fact that what you are doing is WRONG and you still continue to be persistent. So much so that when I ignored your mails, you thought contacting my friend was alright.

Please note that this is no way to communicate or make friends with anybody.
__________________________________________________________________
Email sent to my best friend, the same day:
I am purposely sending off mail from gmail account….figured its safe. I’m missing u a lot.

That stupid loser will not stop…and I hav tried to sweet talk him into revealing his identity..friends kinda suggestd that.. but he just completely dodges me. I got frustrated and sent a “stop botherin me” mail based on what HR told me. They said they will try n trace him…try it seems..all big chickens..psychos and management.

I fully told off MS to help me try and trace this guy’s id….even he was like “what does this guy want..wants to pester you..but does not want to meet you” and the funny part is when I told him how the psycho wants to meet for coffee and get my number …he was like “he has a chance in hell..I could not achieve that even tho I was on the same floor for 10 months” hehehehhehee

Seems with each new creep..the previous one seems like an angel in comparison…..I suppose MS is nicer cos he’s an open creep……and suddenly even doodh waala bhaiyya with the oily hair who kept singing filmi songs seems like a nice guy..at least he was openly obnoxious…

do see the loser’s latest mail and my reply..and i dont think i will EVER read five point anyone 😛

Stressed Out

What do I do to de-stress?

  • Eat snickers or any chocolate with nuts/crunchies or plain ol’ kadlakai
  • Speak to ashu or ashu
  • Listen to lots and lots of synthpop or the Beach Boys or Himesh Reshamiyya’s pre-Karz music
  • Eat a mint
  • Slog my ass off at work or clean my room 15 times
  • Think of Saturday and the things I will do on Saturday
  • Go shopping if it’s a Saturday
  • Stay away from people who stress me out even when I’m not stressed out (the maami at work who cribs about her husband, my annoying sibling, the upstairs dog)
  • Bark back at the dog
  • Visualise myself doing lots of damage to the creator of the stress (I could either be a vampire sucking the life outta that moron, or a steam roller crushing all those vehicles causing the traffic jam)
  • Watch a comedy or Spongebob or the Powerpuff girls
  • Do NOT watch a sickeningly sweet movie full of morals and manners
  • Do NOT listen to John Denver
  • Write a witty witticism on my whiteboard, or take a chalk and write mean/stupid stuff everywhere (it’s not vandalism, chalk rubs off)
  • Read any company policy document – it is super entertaining.

How often do I stress out?

  • EVERYDAY!!!

No wonder I’m good at work, my room is clean, I’m high on music and I’m happy happy happy always!

😛

Why too much free music is bad

Ok so I love synthpop.
And I mean I love it love it love it.
And I don’t mind some amount of bitpop or chiptunes.
So long as it’s super geeky and I can do the robot and feel like I’m reliving the 80’s.
And so when you have sites like last.fm that encourage upcoming artists and free (legal) music – it’s just wowsome.
And yes, when it comes to synthpop – I don’t think twice – I just blindly download whatever comes my way.
And then I start to listen to my brand new collection of synthpop.
Only it seems to sound like a weird version of synthpop.
And then it turns out the artist of the song I’m listening to is ‘Bimbo Boy’
I smile at the name, and when I do my research on the net I come to know this is not synthpop, but gaypop.
Surprised by such a genre name (I never knew sexuality defined music genres), I continue to listen.
And then the music gets weirder and I visualize men in bunny costumes pole dancing.
And then the chorus comes and Bimbo Boy says “It’s like an earthquake when we get together”.
And I feel sick.
And I feel sicker cos I’m a semi-homophobe who cannot tolerate Bimbo Boy’s gaypop.

Help me

:(((((((

__________________________________________________

Afterthought on 19 May 08:

I put my ‘homophobia’ to the test… and listened to a few gaypop bands – they’re typically electronic bands whose music is like a combo of synthpop n bubble gum pop & I realsied this particular guy’s (bimbo boy) music was plain BAD.
There were sum other bands/dj’s (one called ‘Gay against you’) – n they were quite cool.

Playlist on my mind

  1. For the Love of Money – The O’Jays
  2. Rich Girl – Gwen Stefani
  3. Paisa ye Paisa – Kishore Kumar
  4. Money for Nothing – Dire Straits
  5. All ’bout the money – Meja
  6. Money money money – ABBA
  7. Mony Mony (alimony??) – Billy Idol
  8. Material Girl – Madonna
  9. If I Had A Million Dollars – Barenaked ladies
  10. Bills, Bills, Bills – Destiny’s Child

Note: No need to tell me about songs I missed. I’m only listing songs I like/have heard/can think of now, and most importantly – my current frame of mind 😀

Retail Trauma!

aaaargh

they’ve copied me!!!

you now have music and t-shirts that sell me brand

i could have sued these guys if i started me blog a bit early…

noodlehead – they even stole the magnetic phrase nearly coined by you 😛