Screw your work!

Once again Sou, thanks for inspiring me to tweak yet another song’s lyrics….

To be sung to the tune of MJ’s ‘Heal the World’

There’s a place in your heart
And I know it isn’t love
And this place could be brighter for tomorrow.
If you give up and sigh
You will always want to cry
In this place you’ll feel there’s only hurt and sorrow.
There are ways to get out
If you care for healthy living
Make a little space, make a better place.

Chorus:
Screw you work
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the workaholic race
There are people dying
Who slog too much for a living
Make a better place for you and for me.

If you want to know why
Nasty bosses never die
They are harsh
and never give you a good rating.
Break your back, you will see
There’s a bliss you cannot feel
Fear or dread
We start existing and stop living
Then it feels that always
The workload just keeps growing
Makes you pull hair, Makes you run away

Chorus:
Screw you work
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire slogger race
There are grey cells dying
In that brain you tax for a living
Make a better place for you and for me.

Bridge:
And the dreams you once had time for will show a joyful face
And the world you once believed in will shine again in grace
The salary hike aint much
The more you slog the more you’re crushed
It’s plain to see, mediocrity
Is the way to go!

Chorus:
Screw you work
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the workaholic race
There are people dying
Who slog too much for a living
Make a better place for you and for me.

Refrain (2x)

You and for me / Screw your work, don’t give in
You and for me / Have a dream, start living
You and for me / Screw your work, don’t give in
You and for me / Have a dream, start living
You and for me / Screw your work, don’t give in
You and for me / Have a dream, start living
You and for me / Screw your work, don’t give in
You and for me / Have a dream, start living

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Librarian Girl

Sou! I could not get over how you kept thinking MJ’s ‘Liberian girl’ was about a librarian. So I tweaked the lyrics special for you 😉 Let’s sing this at a Karaoke bar, what say?

Dewey decimal, online catalog…classification system
Librarian girl.. .
You came and you changed my world
A love so brand new
Librarian girl . . .
You expanded my knowledge too
A smartness so true

Librarian girl
You gave me your books and you changed my world,
Just like in the stories,
Two lovers in a library
And she says will you lend it to me
And he says so endlessly . . .
I love you, librarian girl

Dewey decimal, online catalog…classification system
Librarian girl . . .
More precious than Shakespeare, girl,
Found in aisle number three
Librarian girl . . .
You stamp my books tenderly
And drive me crazy

Librarian girl
You gave me your books and you changed my world,
Just like in the stories,
Two lovers in a library
And she says will you lend it to me
And he says so endlessly . . .
I love you, librarian girl

Dewey decimal, online catalog…classification system
Librarian girl
You gave me your books and you changed my world,
I’ll skip the due date and you’ll have to charge a fee
And I’ll smile back in glee, and forever you will see
That I love you, librarian girl,
All the time

I love you, librarian girl,
All the time

I want you
I love you baby
(girl)
Let’s stack the shelves, I love you baby, ooh!
(girl)

Mujhse Shaadi Karoge?

What an awesome way for me to get over my matrimonial fears AND be in the spotlight!

If I win this opportunity of a lifetime – all my dreams WILL come true. Ekta Kapoor will definitely give me a role in her TV serials this time, and who knows, I might even get a chance to dance on the esteemed TV show – Nach Baliye.

I shall immediately create a shaadi.com profile. I suppose Trauma Queen not-so-aptly translates to “susheelbahu rani”.

Boys with melodramatic acting/dancing skills who are also dying to be in the spotlight are most welcome to scheme with me. Of course – you will first need to create a profile on shaadi.com.

As for the tricky part of being married, hmm, that can always be ended once the media frenzy dies down. Everyone’s backs will be scratched and everyone will be happy – participants, viewers, bloggers and media conglomerates alike.

Thank you all ye conniving dot coms and TV channels – you truly teach us the meaning of ‘equitable business’ 🙂

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KKRAP!

Knowledge Rap Records is not at all proud to present – KKRAP – a highly traumatic Balaji production.

Cast:
1. Jignes – played by souji – a famous rapper.
2. His Bbhaabhi Preeti – played by udee – the perfect bhaabhi and bahu (long hair, sundar susheel stereotype et al)
3. Chudailika – played by me – a baby-faced vamp with kkropped hair.

Plot synopsis:
Jignes, more famously known as the rapper j-lo (later changed to jig-lo as the company was almost sued by p-ditty records) has found a mode of education and instructional design through the medium of rap. He raps – and shares knowledge. (As the producers of the show are K-Rap records, we are forced to incorporate this aspect in the script.)

Preeti is the perfect bahu, and is a symbol of poise, virtue and the traditional India family. Through the show, she advertises for Garnier hair care products (much in the style of The Truman Show)

Chudailika is a big-shot executive music producer- whose main motive is vengeance. She is constantly seen resorting to spite, malice, bomb scares, poisoning minds, poisoning food and sowing the seeds of mistrust. The story revolves around kkontemporrary themes of the rap industry, the cruel corporate world, terrorism, spite and malice, and lets not forget – love and angst.

Preeti has a loving and caring husband Preetam who is a factory owner in Gujarat. He never makes a stage presence – we only know of him through his daily phone calls to Preeti. But the harsh truth is, Preeti’s husband is long dead. Jignes does not want Preeti to know about this so he makes his friend call her everyday, so that she does not relapse into her mental condition (Preeti used to be a homicidal maniac who was being treated – she met Preetam in the hospital).

Chudailika used to work as a nurse in the same hospital, she was in love with Preetam, and later we come to know she was responsible for poisoning Preeti’s medication – making her condition worse. Of course, she had to do it as she was being blackmailed by Mr. Raj, who is Preeti’s evil half-brother. Chudailika gets caught but escapes before she is arrested, and later undergoes plastic surgery, changes her name to Sharmalika – and makes a big name for herself in the music industry.

This is when she brainwashes the young Jignes to try out a career is edu-rap. Little do we know her real ploy is to kill Preeti – as she stole her first true love Preetam from her.

Later we also learn the Jignes is, in fact, Chudailika’s brother. These events unfold in season 2.

No Mastercard moment this!

Phone calls with your sweetheart – 500 Rs.
Investing in personal care products that make you look/smell better – 1500 Rs.
Going to the salon for that big date – 2000 Rs.
Straightening/coloring your hair cos you got carried away at the salon – 3000 Rs.
Getting the perfect gift – 1000 to 3000 Rs.
Getting the perfect clothes for yourself – 2000 to 5000 Rs.
Fuel costs (auto fare/bike/car) – 250 Rs.
Doing all of the above over and over again cos you are in love – listed rates * 10

The expression on your face when you see your credit card statement – Priceless

Corporate dirtbag

(To be sung to the tune of Wheatus’ Teenage Dirtbag)

My workplace is hell
I’m always day-dreaming
I can’t even tell
When I will be leaving
I walk to my cab
He’s looking so fab
But he doesn’t know who I am
And he doesn’t give a damn about me

Cause I’m just a corporate dirtbag baby
A brick in the wall – I’m faceless baby
Listen to Himesh Reshmi baby with me

My TL’s a d***
He brings his laptop to work
Such a damn prick
Knows nothing ’bout the job
He lives on my block
And faffs like a dork
But he doesn’t know who I am
And he doesn’t give a damn about me

Cause I’m just a corporate dirtbag baby
A brick in the wall – I’m faceless baby
Listen to Himesh Reshmi baby with me

I mean yeah..
Who cares..
He doesn’t know what he’s missing

Man I’m so damn bored
It’s lunch time and I am lonely
Lo and behold!
He’s walking over to me
This must be fake
My hand starts to shake
How does he know who I am
And why does he give a damn about..

“I’ve got two tickets to Himesh Reshmi baby
Come with me Saturday, don’t say maybe
I’m just a corporate dirtbag baby like you”

Yeeah dirtbags, no they don’t know what they’re missin!

Himesh Reshamiyyacoming soon to a city near you