The 2009 dictionary of phrase and fable.

Facebook: A social networking site whose users increased threefold this year alone. (perhaps due to Zynga and the recession).  A site so popular, a movie is being made on it starring Justin Timberlake.

Farm Wars: What you’re really doing when your boss thinks you’re slogging away at work.

Gay Pride: What the GLBT community felt when homosexuality in India was finally decriminalized.

A Hole in One:  The state of a certain golfer’s pocket for being a Tiger…in bed 😛

‘I dream of Jinnah’: The unpublished Memoirs of Jaswant Singh on the death of free speech.

It ain’t over till the fat lady sings: Susan Boyle

Jai Ho Ho Ho: What a Slumdog Santa sings.

Kan ye be any Swifter in making an ass of yourself? : The VMA’s

Michael Jackson: The result of a media that is schizophrenic enough to give you hell while you’re alive, yet glorify you posthumously.

Moonwalk: A jig performed by Indian scientists after they discovered water on the moon

Nano: Not just an i-pod! Do note that pronunciation of this little fella is ‘naa-no’

Obama: A very Nobel Change Management Specialist.

Piggy on the railtrack: A nursery rhyme that is actually a euphemism for the the mass slaughter of influenzed pigs.

Pink Chaddis: A cocktail you do not get in Indian pubs.

Rakhi Sawant: A wannabity who first makes you her saiyyan, then makes you her bhaiyya.

SchuMACHer:  Out goes the Woods, in comes the racetrack.

Twitter: What made Ashton Kutcher happy, Jennifer Aniston sad, put Shashi Tharoor in the spotlight, and shut down the day Michael Jackson died.

Viagra: What Tiwari is clearly using.

Web 3.0: Web 2.0 that you might just have to pay for. Starting with Wikipedia…

Guess the Toon!

Think you know your cartoon characters well? We’ll see..

Who said the following? None of the characters have been repeated. No surfing the net and cheating!

  1. You are stoopid! You are stoopid! And don’t forjet…..YOU ARE STOOPID!!
  2. I am ____ ____. And I will destroy Townsville!
  3. Thuffering Thuckerdash!
  4. Hello, 911 Emergency? There’s a handsome guy in my bathroom! Hey, wait a second. Cancel that – it’s only me!
  5. You make the food. I serve the food. We do this for 40 years, and then, we die.
  6. Oh My God! They killed Kenny!
  7. Ooh! What does this button do?!
  8. Exit, stage right.
  9. Jinkies!
  10. Eh? Wassup doc!
  11. uh ha ha ha ha ha…yeah,,,uh,…huh huh haha..yeah (Hint: 2 people)
  12. You know, it may be possible to be too attractive.
  13. I hate meeses to pieces
  14. I yam what I yam
  15. Must..have…crabby…patty…secret..formula!!
  16. I tawt I taw a putty cat!
  17. Yes, Dexter, I can read your thoughts, and I am smarter than you.
  18. Dayayayayayayayayaya!
  19. Whyy that wil white wascally wabbit!
  20. Baths are for big fat wussies!
  21. Hey! Hey! Hey! I’m smarter than the average bear!
  22. I said, I said, I said boy, are you listening to me boy?
  23. Zoinks!
  24. That’s all folks!

Bonus Q: The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.

A brand new me

“Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!”

Well well well…

Trauma Queen decided to revamp this blog and I mean revamp it completely – by ditching blogspot and switching loyalties.

Why?

  • Because the past 5 years of my life have been chronicled here – making it a little ‘too’ public despite being careful about not revealing my name and other details.
  • Because a few office creeps continue to keep tabs on my blog and my life…not good at all.
  • Because I really love blogpsot and the number of features it offers, but sadly, the option of getting to password protect posts made me turn to WordPress.
  • Because the idea of getting my readers to rate my posts gives me a true idea of how crappy my writing is…

The template is tacky…the layout is boring..I can’t include music widgets (most annoying)..and the FEW popular posts that would appear in the first page of a Google search.. will now also go…sigh…

But the day Blogger decides to introduce some privacy-rich features – I will be back to my blogspot URL!

Until then – I hope to be pressed for words…..

As regards the password protected posts – mail me or post a comment – and if you’re not an ex office creep – it will be given to you 🙂

Librarian Girl

Sou! I could not get over how you kept thinking MJ’s ‘Liberian girl’ was about a librarian. So I tweaked the lyrics special for you 😉 Let’s sing this at a Karaoke bar, what say?

Dewey decimal, online catalog…classification system
Librarian girl.. .
You came and you changed my world
A love so brand new
Librarian girl . . .
You expanded my knowledge too
A smartness so true

Librarian girl
You gave me your books and you changed my world,
Just like in the stories,
Two lovers in a library
And she says will you lend it to me
And he says so endlessly . . .
I love you, librarian girl

Dewey decimal, online catalog…classification system
Librarian girl . . .
More precious than Shakespeare, girl,
Found in aisle number three
Librarian girl . . .
You stamp my books tenderly
And drive me crazy

Librarian girl
You gave me your books and you changed my world,
Just like in the stories,
Two lovers in a library
And she says will you lend it to me
And he says so endlessly . . .
I love you, librarian girl

Dewey decimal, online catalog…classification system
Librarian girl
You gave me your books and you changed my world,
I’ll skip the due date and you’ll have to charge a fee
And I’ll smile back in glee, and forever you will see
That I love you, librarian girl,
All the time

I love you, librarian girl,
All the time

I want you
I love you baby
(girl)
Let’s stack the shelves, I love you baby, ooh!
(girl)

The Greep Files – 2

Not sure why I decided to publish this after four years…but I just did.

A persistent greep (geeky creep) kept harassing me via email (official mail if you may) for many months when I was a fresher in this very same office, and when my parents and best friend happened to be abroad. This was years before they set up an anti-harassment cell. When it was commonplace to sing Hindi songs to women, wave at them, follow them, stare stare and stare (I wondered if staring at a computer all day made IT workers compulsive starers). When HR would say “It’s ok ma..we do not want to fire a good employee…just tell him to stop and leave it at that.” When I would go nuts wondering if my neighbour who happened to work in the same office was this psycho. When I quit the company because I stopped having faith in it.

I never got to know who this psycho was, but I do know that my workplace is very different now. No one stares at me. No one dares to. Either the anti-harassment posters have educated many an IT worker, or some girls just manage to get the no-nonsense look after going through a lot of nonsense.

Now, I have faith in the system, in the anti-harassment cell, of being very well versed with corporate law, and in the power of reacting, instead of staying silent.

I posted the first set of the greep files back in 2005 when it happened. I am completing the story now.

FILE FIVE:
sub: hello

Hello,

I hope u must be comfortable by now at new location.In my last mail I asked for ur cell no. These mails & my career are heavily related; technically these mails constitute an unacceptable term in any company following best practices.

Actually, every time I want to ping u, past 24 yrs of my life, flash in front of my eyes in a moment’s time. [Popularly said – just before death u get glimpse of ur life in few seconds]

All those days cycling and going to school, coming back studying hard for engineering entrance, then recognizing importance of a Management degree and securing admission in a B School. Always sitting in front row of the class (unwillingly) and asking unwanted questions for securing class participation marks and meeting Profs personally, helping them in their projects and technical papers as a part of Outside Class Participation. The whole process is (un)popularly termed as RGgiri (RG stands for relative grading). The picture can be better understood if u read Chetan Bhagat’s Five Point Someone. All this for a decent job. Which I feel, I have now. Actually I don’t want to throw away hard work done all these years for such a relatively trivial issue. I hope u understand my concerns now.

Btw ur new look is pretty. U r looking gorgeous. U must be flattered by now and would have decided to offer me a cup of coffee (Pls say yes). So ur cell no. and preferred meeting place/time???

I hope I am not disturbing u all these days.
Sincerely waiting for ur reply.
________________________________________________________
MY REPLY :
(which HR asked me to tone down, since I had first mentioned going to the police and all…after which I never heard from the guy again)

Hi,
Since you are so concerned about your career, my advice to you would be to stop all forms of communication henceforth. Please do not try to contact me OR any of my friends or I will be forced to take the necessary steps.

I wanted to meet you in person to figure this out with you, but you are obviously too frightened, and I do not know how you can expect anyone to give their phone number to a faceless, nameless person.

You are aware of the fact that what you are doing is WRONG and you still continue to be persistent. So much so that when I ignored your mails, you thought contacting my friend was alright.

Please note that this is no way to communicate or make friends with anybody.
__________________________________________________________________
Email sent to my best friend, the same day:
I am purposely sending off mail from gmail account….figured its safe. I’m missing u a lot.

That stupid loser will not stop…and I hav tried to sweet talk him into revealing his identity..friends kinda suggestd that.. but he just completely dodges me. I got frustrated and sent a “stop botherin me” mail based on what HR told me. They said they will try n trace him…try it seems..all big chickens..psychos and management.

I fully told off MS to help me try and trace this guy’s id….even he was like “what does this guy want..wants to pester you..but does not want to meet you” and the funny part is when I told him how the psycho wants to meet for coffee and get my number …he was like “he has a chance in hell..I could not achieve that even tho I was on the same floor for 10 months” hehehehhehee

Seems with each new creep..the previous one seems like an angel in comparison…..I suppose MS is nicer cos he’s an open creep……and suddenly even doodh waala bhaiyya with the oily hair who kept singing filmi songs seems like a nice guy..at least he was openly obnoxious…

do see the loser’s latest mail and my reply..and i dont think i will EVER read five point anyone 😛

The Flu Blues

I am flu-ed and feel rather phlegm-atic today! Aachoo! I also realised I come up with some really awful jokes (and great work ideas) when I feel this way…

Can someone please tell me where the swine flew to? It is annoying to hear the whole world speak in incomplete sentences.

Ill Bill: A new movie starring Uma Thurman and a flying pig, and how she gets an H1N1 visa to heaven.

Would an epidemic be a pandemic of epic proportions? Or is a pandemic a situation where the entire nation feels as hot as a frying pan?

Pimples and acne affect almost everyone. It is high time the WHO considered it an epidermic.

If you are fluent in Tamil – can you be called a Tamilflu?

What should you use to cure the swine flu? Oinkment (Thanks for this one Aunty!)

It’s a pity they cannot use Tamiflu to combat the Tamil Flu which is affecting Sri Lanka 😛

The swine flu and global economic recession have caused a recession of another kind – hairlines!

Off to bed now! Clearly, the fever is affecting my funny bone. Hmm, that explains why a flu-induced body ache hurts the bones!

Proud to be Proud

Proud to be me

Proud to be a woman

Proud to embrace my androgynous self

Proud to be fashionable – be it sports shoes with formal pants, or high heels with short skirts

Proud to be a part of my team

Proud to see genuine change in these office walls

Proud and happy to see ads on tv representing the place I work

Proud to be an Indian

Proud to be a Corporate activist – bringing bigots and racists down to their knees

Proud of Pride Month

Proud to be a part time geek and a full time freak

Proud that I can spread my wings and fly

Proud to be so proud 🙂